Saturday, August 22, 2009

Corn Skanks are Snoopy People

In the bathroom at the salon, we have a louvered door, which the hot water tank is behind. Every single child that enters that bathroom has to snoop behind the door. We can tell because the door does not sit on the track correctly and it falls off and is very difficult to get back on track.

We've only had ONE adult that was snoopy and that was The Corn Skank. What is a corn skank you ask? Well I've only ever met two of them.

When I worked at the credit union, each summer, when corn was in season, The Corn Skank would hit town. She was a trashy little number that was hired by a farmer to sell corn on the corner of Ford Street in front of the old Greenbaums Building. She was always dressed with T & A hanging out, which should have been covered because it wasn't prime, want to look at T & A. She had a perpetual cigarette hanging out of her mouth. She also had about six of the most dirtiest, stickiest kids you've ever seen running amok up and down the street. When they left for the day, you could see their remnants on the sidewalk and street: Cigarette butts, candy wrappers, corn silk, spilled sticky stuff, you name it. The street needed a good disinfecting when they left.

A couple of years ago, a new, younger, less skanky Corn Skank set up shop in the parking lot next to the salon. When she came in asking to use my bathroom, I agreed after she gave me a dozen ears of corn. I figured I have bleach.

Well, I go in to disinfect the bathroom when she left and the door was hanging wide open. I don't know if she was looking for our stash of tampons, or maybe she thought this was where we hid the liquor. It was obvious that she didn't attempt too hard to try to hide the fact that she was snooping.

I haven't seen any Corn Skanks this year. That's a good thing, they usually make my blood pressure go up. I've also noticed that most places along the highways have the self-serve things. I guess Corn Skanks are being hit by this recession too, huh?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Nursing Homes are Amusing

I spend a lot of time in nursing homes. My mother has lived in one since February 2006 and now one of my oldest and sweetest clients, Mary, has been living in one since spring. I just spent the last hour with Mary, visiting and doing her nails.

Nursing homes can be very entertaining. I think a reality show would be really funny. They all have their own characters. My mother's nursing home has quite a few. There is Thomas, who has no legs and can't talk very well. I learned recently that he was deaf, which explains a lot. He squeals with delight when he sees me. I think I am one of his girlfriends. He communicates with me by mouthing the words in a very exaggerated way and spelling words with his finger in the air.

Then there is Merle. He buzzes around in his chair everywhere, asking anyone he can see to unhook his safety belt. Of course, we have to tell him no.

Mary's home is a little bit more exciting. It's more of a home than a facility, like mom's. The residents at Mary's are more able bodied and just need some assistance. There are some constants though. They almost all have walkers and the women almost all wear wigs. I am fairly certain that even though they watch TV, they have no idea what they are watching.

At both places, the residents are very well taken care of. The nurses and aids truly like the residents. You can just see it and feel it.

After finishing Mary's nails, I sat with her awhile. We sat there and watched out the window as a big, beautiful, black cat frolicked in the immense yard, behind the home. We watched him hunker down, flick his tail and then pounce on something. I think it was a bug.

Even though it is painful to see my mother and Mary, not being able to care for themselves, it is a comfort to see them both in homes like these. They are receiving good care.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Super Update

Holy crap, it's been nearly a month since I've posted. I've been busy, busy, busy. So, here is a mass update.

I passed my Motorcycle Safety Course, thus earning my license! In fact, everyone in the class passed. I was certain that Dudley, who had to redo three of the four maneuvers, and Farm Boy would not pass, but they did. Now that I know how to shift gears, I want to! But Tootie (I finally named my Scooter) will have to do for now!

I was in California last weekend for the Young Nails Educator training. WOW, was that awesome! Thirty of the most talented people I know all in one room together, working as a team to be creative and create awesomeness! It was so nice to finally meet some of the new Mentors that I've never met!

While in California, The Bachelor was holding open auditions at our hotel. OMG, the hootchies were out in masses. I sat and people watched for quite some time. Here is a memorable contestant. I swear, she had balls. One thing for sure, she was lit!

Last weekend, I went with BFF Jill and family on the Millers Eddy Float. We floated down the river from near Foxburg to Jill's aunt and uncles house. It was approximately 5 miles and took about 5 hours.

I made a gallon of Lynn's sangria and we drank it all, plus they all drank a 36 pack of beer!

We had a float just for our beverages and snacks, we called it the Buffet Boat!

There were dragonflies everywhere. Seriously a gazillion of them. Some of them were making little dragonflies too. Imagine my surprise when I upload my photos and see I got a photo of them in action. Mandy doesn't look too impressed.

I put my camera in a Ziploc bag inside of a so-called waterproof purse. After awhile, I put it in the cooler. Dumb move. This was right about the time my camera got all frosty and then full of water. I think it's dead.

Well, that is about it. I hope to update more regularly now!