Religion - Attending Church

As most of you know, I was raised Catholic.  I went to Catholic school.  My mother wasn't an avid church goer, but she thought it was important that I be raised Catholic.

After my eighth grade graduation from Catholic School, I have maybe stepped into a Catholic church at the most, three times, most likely for either a wedding or a funeral.

My husband was raised Catholic as well.  His father was married previously, and his wife left him.  So, when he married Nick's mother, it wasn't recognized as a marriage in the Catholic church, therefore when Nick came along, they refused to baptize him.  After Nick's grandmother made a nice donation to the church, they changed their mind.

Mr. Bruises is what I refer to as a Chreaster.  It is someone who goes to church on Christmas and Easter.  I, personally feel that if you are going to go on those two holy days, you should go regularly.  I choose to not go at all.

I still believe in God.  I still try to live my life in an honest and giving way.  I still try to do the right thing and still try to find the best in people.  I just never felt the need to go to church.

Recently, BFF Jill invited me to attend Pittsburgh East Community Church with her.   It's in Plum, which is almost an hour drive.  She lured me with driving past the Abby Lee Miller Dance Studio, from the show Dance Moms, which is just down the road from the church.  I was IN!

The first thing I asked her is what should I wear.  She said jeans and a nice top.  Really?  Jeans?  That was frowned upon the last time I was in Catholic church, but hey the times have changed so maybe that's permitted there now too.

When we pulled in, I was astounded at the size of the parking lot.  I felt like I was going to a concert.  Little did I know, I pretty much was.  The parking attendants were all very happy and cheerful.  You could tell that everyone wanted to be there.  Everyone walking in was in a good mood.  The greeters at the door made me feel like I was an old friend.  It was a VERY inviting atmosphere.

Next thing I noticed was people walking around with coffee, soda, danishes, muffins, you know FOOD!  This would never be permitted in a Catholic church.  Then everyone was talking.  Some loudly.  Again a Catholic no no.  I was so out of my element, I didn't know what to do, so I just sat and observed.

They had a live band on stage that played current music and then some Christian songs that you would never guess were church songs.  The lead singer was wearing Chuck Taylors, he had a faux hawk, an earring in his year and boy could he sing and capture your attention.

After about four or five songs, with encouragement and words on a big screen to sing along, we were asked to meet each other.  Perfect strangers met me with a smile and a hand shake.  The pastor and his wife came on stage for the sermon.  This was the beginning of a six part series called True Love.  It was all about making relationships work.

I sat and listened to them.  They never professed to be perfect.  They actually told us of their failures and how they worked to overcome them.  After the sermon, we ended with another popular song and it was time to go.  Time just flew!!

After that I got my reward and got to do a drive by of the dance studio.  On the ride, Jill asked me what I thought.  I was still a little out of my element and really couldn't answer since it was nothing like what I expected.  It was nothing like I had experienced in the past.  It was so different, but in a good way.

After about a week or so, I told her I wanted to go again.  We went this morning.  The same things were apparent.  EVERYONE wanted to be there, even the kids.  If you would see the area that they have for the kids, you would understand why.  Everyone was so happy, welcoming and genuinely friendly.  The sermon was another good one and I found myself applying the suggestions multiple times later today.

Here's another thing that I realized.  This is a church that doesn't judge.  They don't care how you dress, how you wear your hair, if you have piercings or gauges, if you are tattooed, if you are in a relationship with someone of another race or in one with the same sex as you are.  You are welcome and loved no matter what.

I think this is the biggest difference.  Whether the Catholic church wants to admit it or not, they judge.  You never feel worthy to be a Catholic.

I will most definitely be going back.  The energy in that church is just infectious.  It's no wonder people are filling their parking lot.  Church is FUN!  It's entertaining!  It's educational!  Oh and I can sing my heart out, drinking a coffee, wearing jeans with my tattoo sticking out!  I'll take it!!

I Love Myself, So What?

Tonight, we went out with friends to celebrate 20 years of marriage.  Like always, we had a blast and took lots of photos and shared them on Facebook.  Well this picture struck a nerve with a dickhead, who I am NOT friends with on Facebook, but one of the people tagged in the photo was.  He commented on the photo as such:

your so in love with yourself its fucking sickning!!!!!!! get a fucking life

What a sad life a person has to have to make a comment on a photo of people celebrating a milestone with friends.  I feel very sorry for that person because obviously they are missing out in life.

First, YES, I love myself.  Doesn't everyone?  If not, they should.  Loving yourself is the first step and the only true way you will experience true love for someone else or have that reciprocated.  As for getting a life.  Ummmm, I obviously have one.  One that someone seems to be jealous of.

So, to the douchebag, who made that comment, I would like to say, YES, I am in love with myself.  It's sad that you obviously don't love yourself.  

Jeffrey's Big Adventure

Jeffrey had a big day yesterday.  If you don't know who Jeffrey is or his story, you can read all about it here.

Wednesday, I was preparing for my surgery and being off, so I took care of all of the animals.  I cleaned Lettie and Lilah's cage and I filled Jeffrey's tank up and cleaned his filter.  Well his filter was giving me troubles turning back on so I ended up having to fill his tank almost full.  Usually I fill it to about four inches from the top and I have never had a lid on his tank.  I never needed to.

Later that night, I noticed that he had his big, floating log over towards the right side, he was up on it and the bastard was trying to climb out.  Mr. Bruises pushed him back in and moved his log to the other side.

Yesterday, Mr. Bruises had to take me to the hospital for 6:30 am.  Once I got settled, I sent him home to get some sleep until I was ready to be picked up.  He got up and was eating his breakfast and he said something was amiss.  The turtle usually sits there and watches him eat his breakfast.  He looked in the tank and he was gone!  He was on the kitchen floor, right where he fell from his tank.  He was on his back and flailing all around.  Mr. Bruises noticed that both the cat and Travis were both over in that area nosing around.

We have no idea how long he was out and upside down, but he is back in his tank and being just as surly as ever.  I bet he won't try that again!

My Favorite Tree

Back in April, I took a photo of my favorite tree and blogged about it in early May, comparing the photo to one I took of the same tree January 9, 2011.  I vowed to take a photo of that tree every season.

While riding Tootie today, I realized it was July, which is one of the months I was to take a photo of the tree, so we rode out and took some pictures.

It's amazing how much greener things looked in April.  We have had a heat wave and little rain.  I guess that's why everything looks brown.

See you in October, favorite tree!!

Photo taken April 30, 2012

Photo taken January 9, 2011

Toxicity Level: LOW

For years now, I have put up with a person.   An immature person.  A one upper.  You know the kind, no matter what you say to anyone, they have to butt in and either try to correct you or one up you.  It's so annoying.  I am not the only one this person does it to.  They have probably been doing it their entire life to just about everyone in their life.

I thought this person was a friend, but it became apparent years ago, that this person was not.  They liked to tell untruths, liked to cause drama, liked to throw in vague little digs here and there.  I tolerated this person, because, for the most part, for a long amount of time I had a large amount of respect for them.

I have been wanting to rid myself of this person for awhile now and almost did in March.  The toxicity level that this person was putting out at that time was tremendous.  She was vile to more than just me.  At the time a friend asked me why I was even friends with them and my answer was a simple "I don't know".  I've done a lot of thinking about that question over the past few months and I really could not come up with a good reason for remaining in contact with them.

I know how this person works though.  If I broke it off, she wins.  I will never let a toxic person win.  Sorry, I am stubborn like that.

I am happy to say, the toxicity level in my life has dropped to an all time low and I am ecstatic.  The ball was in my court and I just hammered the final nail in the coffin and couldn't be more at peace.  Life is way too short to have toxic people in your life.

Please Don't Jump

One year ago, I witnessed something that I will never forget.  I can't drive by without thinking of the man that ended his life by jumping off of the Judge Graff Bridge June 20, 2011.

I had just picked the dogs up from the groomer and was heading home.  The bridge was under construction.  As I was about to take the Ford City off ramp, I noticed a man on the ledge of the bridge standing, and looking down.  I assumed at that time, that he was a worker inspecting something.

When I got closer, I noticed that he had a blue scrub top on and that he was barefoot.  I passed within feet of him.  He was just calm and serene and just looking down, like he was looking for something.

It took me a few seconds to register what I was actually seeing.  I immediately tried to call 911, but all circuits were busy.  As I was trying to get my car turned around, I saw two women running towards him on their phones.

By the time I got my car turned around, he was gone.  He jumped.  Luckily, I didn't see that part, but the image of the man standing there still haunts me.  I can't drive by this spot without thinking of him.

Days later, I found out that he was from Indiana County.  I didn't know him, but I knew his sister Ellen.  She, sadly, died in a motorcycle accident years ago.  What tragedy for that family.  I feel for their mother, who is still alive.

I hope he found peace.  At the end, he wasn't agitated or upset.  He just seemed so at peace right before he jumped.  That to me is so sad.  To be so sure about ending your life.  To be so comfortable with that decision.  God rest his soul.

Better Days

I am feeling so much better.  I guess sometimes, you don't realize how crappy you are feeling until you start feeling good again.  I am happy to say, I have felt great for over a week now.  I think my medication is helping, although the happy pills shouldn't kick in for another week or so.

I've made a lot a changes in my life.  I've tried to eliminate a lot of stress.  Hiring our Director of Sanity, aka our assistant, has helped tremendously.  I actually hired her before all these heart issues were found.  I also hired a kick ass cleaning lady for the salon.  It's amazing to not have that extra work hanging over my head.  I was never able to leave the salon for the weekend without it being spotless.  Now, I am able to just walk out of the door knowing when I come back it will be clean.  It's awesome!

I have also, slowly, removed caffeine from my life.  As a coffee and Coke addict, I thought this would be harder.  I told myself that I would have one cup of coffee a day and one Coke a day and then slowly cut down to none.  I haven't had coffee since I got back from Florida and surprisingly, I don't miss it.  I guess when you wake up feeling good you don't need the coffee to pick you up.

I'm starting to get out more and be more active, which I didn't realize how much I missed.  I am trying to not work on the computer so much.  When you own a business, you pretty much have to work it every day to be successful.  I am trying to find balance in that area.

I got Tootie out for a ride on Sunday and it was awesome.  I miss riding that scooter.  Mr. Bruises and I bought kayaks and took them out for the first time last evening.  It was so peaceful on Crooked Creek.

I still have to reschedule my surgery, I am hoping for the end of July, due to our salon schedules.  I also am still waiting to hear when my sleep study is.  I can tell, though, I am sleeping so much better now and I think it's been making a world of difference.

For everything else, I am adopting The Honey Badger's motto for it.  Honey Badger is a badass and doesn't give a shit!!!

Monitor says....

I had to wear a halter, heart monitor for 24 hours.  I had it attached, applied, whatever you want to call it on Thursday afternoon.  I was in Afib when I had it put on.  I was to press a button if I felt anything and log it.  Well within an hour, I felt the all familiar flutter in my chest, so I pressed the button and logged it.

I then, within the next half hour, managed to unplug the thing.  I had to press the button not once but twice to see if it was working.  So I logged those as well.  I went about my day with no other issues.

The next day, when it was time for me to return the thing, I removed all the cords and the sticky things that were used to hold them to my body.  I have four little, red circles on my body, mainly from them having to sand my skin to make them stick better.

I sent our Director of Sanity to the hospital to return my monitor and I continued servicing my clients on Friday.  My bra was driving me crazy and I thought that the adhesive was catching and pulling my bra in a weird way.  So, I went into the bathroom, armed with a cotton pad with acetone on it, fully prepared to remove the sticky residue from my body, even if it stung due to my sanded skin.

Low and behold, my discomfort wasn't coming from the adhesive.  It was coming from the under wire of my bra, which I had somehow snapped in half.  The wire was poking into my skin.

I had my appointment with my cardiologist today.  The info from my monitor was read.  It was very interesting.  I was in Afib from the time I had the monitor put on until sometime during the night, while I was sleeping (can't remember the exact time) when I worked myself out of it.  Now here's the really weird part.  On Thursday evening, right before 9:00 pm, my heart rate was 175.  Yes, you read that right.  I believe I was eating a yummy egg roll and catching up on Facebook at that time.  Nothing strenuous.  Now, 12 hours later at nearly 9:00 am on Friday, my heart rate was 49.  Again, you read that right.

So, our plan of attack is for me to continue with my aspirin, daily, keep on the meds to slow my heart rate down and if I keep going into Afib, then I can get on a prescription to help control that.

I have been cleared for surgery, however, I doubt I will be able to schedule it before the end of July due to the doctor's vacation and working around some vacations at the salon.  So, slowly we are progressing.  More importantly, I am starting to feel better.

Remembering Her

Two years ago today, I lost my Mom.  I was wide awake at 3:30-ish this morning.  This is not unusual, I usually wake up several times during the night, feeling hot.  Usually it's starts around 5:00.  I guess maybe I woke up because that was the time she passed.  I initially got the call at 3:15 that morning, so who knows.

It's been a long two years and I can honestly say I don't think I have ever let myself fully let out my grief.  I think I have always been afraid that if I started crying about it that I would never stop.  So, I just never let myself go there.  Maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

I wanted to do something today to remember my mom.  I decided to get my tattoo finished with something to remember her.  Whenever I think of her, I see dragonflies.  My tattoo is a big dragonfly as well as some little ones and flowers.  So I asked Ezra of Iron Elements to come up with another dragonfly that has my mother's name and her dates incorporated into the design.

I think he did an awesome job!

On Hold

Well, my surgery is now on hold.  I was to have it next Thursday, but an abnormal EKG has put a halt to it.  It seems as though when I had my EKG two weeks ago, that I was in Atrial Fibrillation.  It's where the top half of your heart is working twice as fast as the bottom part of your heart.  The big risk with it is blood pooling in the heart, possibly forming clots, which then could result in a stroke.

I firmly believe that in January of 2011, I was in Afib then as well.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  I must have come out of it before I got to the hospital since it never showed up on my EKG then and I was on a heart monitor for 24 hours and had a stress test the next day.  Everything checked out okay and I was told that my heart was healthy.

This explains so much to me.  I was diagnosed with acid reflux or possible gall bladder issues after that episode.  I've had these feelings again, off and on, and treated them as acid reflux.  I now know why I haven't felt good for years.  I think I have been going into and out of Afib for some time now.  It explains why I am exhausted all of the time and my sense of anxiety too.

I also was put on a happy pill.  I really have reservations about that.  I am just so afraid that once you start taking anti-depressants that you never get off of them.  I have finally admitted to myself, though, that I have been severely depressed for some time now.  YEARS.  I think it started when my mother, first, initially got sick and I was hit with all of the responsibility that I would carry for years.  I am a classic case of "just because someone looks happy and laughs a lot doesn't mean that she's okay on the inside".

I am also finally admitting to myself that I am not well.  I have entirely too much stress in my life.  I am not healthy and I don't need any jackass telling me that I should lose some weight.  No shit Sherlock.  However, until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, don't judge.  I'm not making excuses, but it's hard to be active when you don't have any energy or desire to be active.  It's hard to eat better when you don't have the time or energy to shop, cook or hell even decide what to eat.

I can't tell you the last time I hopped out of bed feeling good.  I can probably count on one hand how many times in the past year.  I never feel rested, I know I wake up a gazillion times through the night.  Sleep Apnea can put people into Afib, so that is something that will need to be checked.  I also had my thyroid tested to see if that is causing these issues.

Either way, I am happy that finally something is coming up to explain why I feel like shit all of the time.  I am disappointed beyond belief that I have to wait, yet again, to have relief from the other things, but I guess the old ticker is much more important.  I will get by, I always do, but I'm just a little tired with life and all it's curveballs at the moment.

Progressing

So, I have had the repeat of my past testing done.  I had an appointment yesterday for what I "thought" was just going over test results.  When I arrived, I was told that I needed to give a urine specimen and I asked if she wanted my copay, since last time, she collected it as soon as I arrived.  She responded that it depended on whether he was going to be doing a procedure on me.  At that point, I nearly died.

Here I am, like a lamb being sent to the wolves, being told that I am going to have THAT PROCEDURE done again.  The one I specifically said I would not have without either narcotics or being put under.  I, at this point, look at the girl and tell her I am not having that done today, that I didn't have anything prescribed for pain.  She politely responded that "Oh, it's not painful at all!"  I told her that I had this done before and I had been prescribed high milligrams of Motrin before hand that did nothing and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life and I will NOT be having it done.  She told me that I could discuss it with the doctor.

Let me tell you something.  I am not a wuss.  I am not a cry baby.  I don't give a shit if you have had this procedure done and you thought it was a cake walk.  Everyone is different.  I have a very high tolerance for pain.  I sat through two, nearly three hour sessions, getting my entire foot and ankle tattooed and it wasn't bad at all.  Previously, the new doctor said that since I haven't had children, my lady parts, inside, are small.  They are also unusually shaped and tilted.  These factors can make things uncomfortable.  Why didn't the other jackass know this?

At this point, I am beginning to hyperventilate.  This is the first time, I think of bolting out of the door, never to return.  I go into the restroom and collect my urine sample, in a fog, trying to calm down.  I go back out to the waiting room and wait to be called.  I now have the second thought of bolting I am very close to the door, it would be easy to do.

I get called back, I get weighed and have my height measured then get put into a room and get my blood pressure taken.  I have two nurses/aids with me.  I figure they are maybe training a new girl.  After the blood pressure the one asks me if I brought my "E String".  I am like what the hell is that?  It's some contraceptive device that she thinks I am replacing.  She checks my chart and confirms that it is NOT ME who is to receive this procedure.  It's now the third time I want to want to run out the door.

I am then handed a sheet and told to undress from the waist down.  I am near flip out mode at this point and inform, yet another person that I WILL NOT be having that procedure.  They tell me that the doctor will decide that.  At this point, I burst into tears and again reiterate that I WILL NOT be having that procedure.  I am handed a tissue, told to undress from the waist down, cover with the sheet and I can discuss it with the doctor.  This is now the fourth moment that I just want to run out the door.  SCREAMING!

I do as I am told.  The doctor comes in and asks how I am and I reply "I'm okay".  He takes one look at me and realizes I am not okay.  He asks what's wrong and I just unload.  I tell him I am not going to let him do that procedure.  I tell him all about the last one.  I am, at this point, to the panicked, crying stage, where I can't catch my breath.

He asks for the pathology report from a procedure that the past doctor did.  He then starts talking to me and calms me down.  Bottom line is, he didn't do the procedure and I am grateful.  He decided to accept the pathology results from 2010.  Thank God.

We then discussed a plan of action.  He likes things to go in steps.  I would prefer that we go clear to the end step, however, he recommended the first step.  I agreed to that.  Anything is better than what I have now and he's confident that I have a very high chance of this fixing my problems.  I din't have the energy to argue anymore.

On June 14, I will have a Novasure procedure done along with a tubal.  Not that the bakery was ever open, the oven will be totally shut down.  God I hope this works.

I'm Sorry....

Lately, I feel the need to apologize for things.  Some of the things are beyond my control, however, there is a sense that I should apologize, so here goes:

• I am sorry that I am so busy at my nail table that I can't fit you in until next month.
• I am sorry that I can't remove your nails since it is impossible for me to do so, since you have MMA (dental acrylic) on your nails.
• I am sorry that you don't understand why I can't remove this crap.
• I am sorry that you trusted someone you couldn't communicate with, I am thankful that it wasn't your gynecologist or hairdresser, I shudder to imagine what would happen if you couldn't communicate with them.
• I am sorry that I didn't return your call, see you didn't leave me your number, you left me MY number, the one that you called and your Caller ID is blocked.
• I am sorry that I am not able to work 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  I work as much as I physically can.
• I am sorry it's prom and in Armstong County, and that it lasts for four weeks.
• I am sorry that we have three people getting their toes done at the time you want and even though we have an opening, we have nowhere for you to sit to get your toes done.
• I am sorry that I am not willing to sit on the floor, breaking my back, to do your toes because there are no pedi chairs open.
• I am sorry we are closed on Mondays, everyone needs a day off.
• I am sorry we don't answer the phone when we are with clients, but if we did that, we would never get anything done.  We have an assistant now and I am sorry that she doesn't work 24/7/365 either.
• I am sorry that you ripped your discount nails off and your nail beds are destroyed,
• I am sorry that I can't guarantee that the nails I put on your nails, that were destroyed by another salon, but it's like building a house on a sand foundation.
• I am sorry that I can't remember that one photo you saw on Facebook out of 3,000 that you want your nails to look like. 
• I am sorry that I will not cover your entire nail with glitter acrylic,  I realize other salons do it, but we don't and give you many reasons why.  If you want your nail totally covered, get a Magic Manicure.
• I am sorry that you didn't show up for your appointment and now you can't afford the No Show Fee.
• I am sorry that I am almost to the point of burn out, but I am living for June 1 and hope to return from Orlando re-energized to take on the world and be at a point where I no longer feel the need to apologize for things that should be common sense.

So Called Professionals

I found this old post, that I wrote two years ago and for some reason, never published.  It's funny, two years later, I can say the same things.  I took a photo of a girl's nails that were, by far, the most damaged nails I've seen.  Too many times, we get caught up in blaming and pointing fingers at the Non-Standard Salons, but the truth is, those that you normally don't think of as working in an NSS do damage too.  It all comes down to education and experience.  Oh, and a little common sense helps too!

I am totally amazed, everyday, the amount of people in the beauty industry that try to portray themselves as a professional, yet they do illegal things.  They want to sit there and complain about Non-Standard Salons and talk about how they don't follow laws and blah, blah, blah and yet they are no better than the salons that they want to hold responsible for their lack of business.

These same people, who call themselves professionals will say that they give out coupons for money off of services and they will claim them as redeemed even if they aren't.  They are doing this to reduce their income reporting, which then reduces their taxes.  That is TAX EVASION!

They will sell gift certificates, put a short expiration date on them and the KEEP THE MONEY when they aren't redeemed.  There are laws, governing gift certificates in every state.  I have not heard of one state that allows you to keep all of the money.  Most states have rules that if money passed hands, this is not your money until you perform the service.  If the certificate is not redeemed in so many years, it has to be turned over to the state as unclaimed property.  Enforcing the expiration date and keeping the money is STEALING!

You then have people who charge state sales tax on retial item and then they don't turn that money over to the state.  Again, this is THEFT!!

Finally, you have people who will show photos of feet, before and after the use of a BLADE?  Really?  Credo blades are illegal in all states.  Cutting skin is considered a surgical procedure, which we are not licensed to do.  To use a blade on someone is not only illegal it is UNPROFESSIONAL!

I think it all boils down to people with no business sense running businesses.  I think it's high time that people stop worrying about what the NSS are doing and worry more about what THEY are doing.  You are absolutely no better than the people you are looking down on.  You are stealing, you are evading taxes and you are doing things that your license does not allow.  You are NOT a professional and I take offense to you putting yourself in my category of professional.

My Favorite Tree

I have always loved this tree.  You can see it from many different areas, on the windy road that it resides on.  It is one of those trees that just commands attention.

I think the tree is dead, however, it still stands.  I first took a picture of it on January 9, 2011.  I was attempting to do a photo a day thing for a year.  I've tried that three times now and I always fail right around this time of the year.

I decided to take another picture of my favorite tree yesterday.  It still looks the same.  I've been wanting to blog more, I've gotten away from it for so long.  So, I decided I need to blog more with photos.  I love taking photos and just got a new "Big Girl" camera.  I am still learning all of it's magic, so this is a perfect idea.

I have made a promise to myself to take a photo of my favorite tree every season.  So far I have one in January and one in April.  I now need to take one in July and one in October and I will have all four seasons.

Jealousy and Envy

It has been such a long time since I've blogged.  I've just been so busy, but I do miss it and I really do need to blog today.  Blogging is my release.

I can honestly say there are very few people that I am jealous of or envy.  BFF Jill is one.  I envy the fact that she has such a wonderful relationship with her father, that she still has her mother, that she has an older sister.  But you know what?  It doesn't matter, because she has shared that family with me and for that I am grateful.

I am jealous of people who live in warm climates.  I will be there some day.  I just can't be there now.

I am jealous of people who have the gumption to eat healthy and stay fit.  I used to have that, well, no, I never did eat healthy, I grew up on Miller's Hoagies and Pizzaria Pizza.  I just have no energy to be active any more.  Taking care of work and home exhausts me.  So those of you who can do it all, I am envious and jealous of you.

I can honestly say that I am not jealous or envious of anyone in our industry.  If I was, it would shut the door, mentally for me to learn anything from that person and how stupid would that be?  Yes there are others that are better than me and yes there are others that have achieved more than me.  Only one person can be the best and can you imagine what pressure that is??  Who wants that?

So, if you think I am jealous of you or envious of you, for whatever reason you may have, know that that is not true.  I admire all of my fellow professionals, whether you are a newbie or a Nail Hag (Fifteen years or more in the business).  Wanting to create work as beautiful as some techs and wanting the awards that they have reaped, both tangible and non tangible, it is not jealousy, it is not envy, it is admiration.

So, some need to read this and realize this.  Saying things to others, about me, that are not true, just to make yourself feel better or feel more important.  That is not admiration.  It is jealousy and it is envy and it is ugly.  I am hardly anyone that you should be jealous of or envy.  I am just me.

Random Thoughts for the Day

Why are some people never happy?  They have some good things in their life, but it is never enough.  Bitch and moan, bitch and moan, then they bitch and moan again.  Things could be a lot worse, just look around, others are suffering losses, yet you don't hear them bitching and moaning.  People just need to learn to be happy with life.  It is way to short, so you have to enjoy what you have.

Why does my cat hate me so much?  She attacks me, for no reason, she pisses on the floor in front of her litter box, she shit where she pleases and has become Travis' personal snack machine.  What more can I do for her?  I buy her food, I feed her twice a day, I scoop her litter box, I make sure it's clean, but not too clean, I make sure nothing changes too much in her life, I take her to the vet to see if there is anything medical going on with her.  Still, she hates me.  I will admit, I am starting to hate her back.

Why do so many people take drugs and why do so many people feel sorry for addicts?  No one forces them to kill their bodies and lives by being an addict.  Yes it is a sickness, but when you just feel sorry for them, you are nothing more than an enabler.  If you want to do them a favor, don't pity them, help them to realize they have a problem and GET THEM HELP. 

Why do people not answer their phones and then while you are trying to leave them a voice mail, they are beeping in, calling you back.  If you answer they are all like "Who is this?"  Ummmm if you would just either answer your phone in the first place OR listen to the voice mail, you would know who this is.

Why are some people so vindictive?  Are they so unhappy in their lives that they have to make others feel bad in order for them to feel good about themselves?

This concludes my random thoughts for the day.  For now................

Sharing of Knowledge - Paying it Forward

I have always been one to share my knowledge freely.  Without charge.  I field numerous questions, each week, via my website, my Facebook page for The Purple Pinkie and email.  I have always answered every question and helped anyone who asked for it.  It's just my nature.

I have been burned, though.  I have had people use me for my knowledge, then cut me down when they talk about me to others.  I have had people take what they learned and try to use it to better their business and try to take from my business by cutting their prices.  Why would you work for less money?  It still takes the same amount of time, effort and product.  Why sell yourself short?

I have encountered quite a few back stabbers through the years.  They are gone now.  Now, since they no longer have me to feed off of, what they do is stalk my website and FB Page and copy every single thing that we do from color schemes to designs.  They even use the same "Buzz" words that we use.  They wouldn't know an original idea if it bit them in the face.  They use all of this to better themselves and belittle us. 

Instead of forging ahead and making a mark for themselves, they prefer to be chameleons.  They are too damn lazy to take a class.  Attend an industry show.  Do research on their own.  Hell, they don't even try to network.  All they know how to do is imitate.  They say imitation is the best form of flattery.  Well, it gets to the point where it is almost down right repulsive.

I have no problem with most of this.  What I do have a problem with is the fact that there is no gratefulness.  I will not allow this to happen again.

When I think of the few that used me, I will try to not get mad and try to remember all of the people who I have helped in ten years.  I remember these people and their comments.  These are just a few I've compiled.  I actually got tired of cutting and pasting.

I was proud of myself when I found out you used it too, I figured I made a good choice since I have always looked up to you and respected how you conduct your business. –AA

Just wanted to stop and say thank you for everything and answering all my questions I am getting more clients now everyone loves the glitter toes and the ManiQ !! – YG

I just wanted to get back with you and Thank you so much for your help regarding my service speed.  Thank you so much again for everything you have done for me! – AS

Thank you so much!! Your work is so beautiful! I appreciate the share very helpful! – KU

You always are there to help!  I can’t begin to thank you enough for all your advice and direction!  I have found all of your hints and tips have always worked when I tried them. I cant begin to tell you thank you enough!!!!! You are such an inspiration- you have been like my un-official mentor for so many things!  – NK

As always, you are awesome! Thank you so much for taking the time to send me this! I appreciate it so much!  I wanted to tell you thank you for all your help and advice. – LG

Thank you so much for your advice. You've helped me before and I really appreciate it! – TI

You amaze me! Thank you so much for all your great wisdom! You're the best. Truly, I have learned more from you than in nail school – LC

Thanks for answering my questions I so appreciate it   Your the best thank you for sharing. – MC

Thanks so much for always be willing to help! You rock! – CC

Thanks Rhonda! I appreciate your call and help and time! – CK

Rhonda, you are always such a great help, thanks. – MT

We have never met but I have always been a big fan of your work and we have chatted here and there.  You are such a doll and I so appreciate your guidance! – SG

Thanks for all your help! – ES

You have lifted my spirits so many times and i have never taken the time to say thank you! – CH

I just wanted to say Thank you. Without all your help I would not of finished the competition.  Thank you for helping me reach one of my goals. – CR

Rhonda, thank you very much. I appreciate when tech's share their talents with others. – JC

I just wanted to say thanks again for giving me info on your pedi platform.  You have such great ideas and you are so nice to share them.  Most of the nail techs around here are very private and competitive, and not as willing to share.  Thank You! – KR

You are FANTASTIC thank you so much!  You just made many of my clients very happy with the Magic Manicure as I too use YN products! – TG

The Beginning of the End

One year ago, today, my mother had surgery to amputate two fingers that were infected with MRSA.  I truly believe that that was the beginning of the end.  The end of her life.  Mom had some complications after surgery.  Her heart rate elevated and she ended up being hospitalized for almost a week.  She should have been in one day.

While waiting for her to get out of recovery, I met Anastacia, the therapy dog.  She was all decked out for Cinco de Mayo.  She made me smile that day.

The following day, I had some major shit blow up in my life.  I made one of the best decisions I ever did and cut a big dead weight from it.  In return, I ended up depressed and just tired and exhausted with life.  I never did go to see my mother on Mother's Day.  I wanted to take her flowers but she was still in ICU.  In the state of mind I was in, I didn't go visit.

I did visit the next day.  She was in a regular room and I took her a nice floral arrangement.  She loved flowers.  It was just like most visits had become.  No talking and her just kind of not really caring if I was there or not.  This was the last time I saw my mother.

I let life get in my way.  I was extremely busy at the salon with prom.  Prom season goes on for weeks here.  I worked like a dog to get everyone in and ready for their big day.  I was exhausted, both physically and also mentally.  Then there was the Memorial Day rush.  I then had to work like crazy the first week of June so that I could get everyone in before we all hopped on a plane to head to Orlando for the Premier Beauty Show.  The Monday before we left, I had every intention to go visit my mom.  Somehow I talked myself out of going.  It was the frame of mind I was in.  My mother died a week later.  I was in Florida.

I really wish I had made myself go that day.  I just worry that she died thinking that I didn't care.  I did.  It makes me so sad to know that my mother died alone.  I still remember the call.  My ringtone at the time was Turning Japanese and I can't hear the intro to that song without feeling sick to my stomach.  I just really hope that my mother knew how much I loved her.

Christmas Without Her

This is my first Christmas Eve without my mom.  I grew up in a broken family.  My parents divorced before I was two years old.  My mother always allowed my father and his family to have Christmas Day with me.  I always had Christmas Eve with my Mom and Grandma.  It was great!  I got to open my presents on Christmas Eve around midnight.  I got TWO visits from Santa!

As I grew up and my Father disappeared from my life, I started spending Christmas Day with some of my friend's family and then eventually with Nick and his family.  The Christmas Eve with Mom tradition was always a given.

This year, I just find myself so sad.  I am going to go today and light one of her eternity candles, but it's not the same.  I am trying to remember the good times, but all I can think about is last Christmas Eve and all the crap that was going on at the nursing home and it just pisses me off that that is the last Christmas I got to spend with her.

My Mom loved Christmas.  She decorated like there wasn't a tomorrow.  Every year, she would decorate her tree differently.  She crocheted snowflakes one year, then the next year pastel snowflakes, then the next year she crocheted angels and hearts.  Each year totally different.  I never inherited that from her.  I really don't like the holidays.  Someone said this morning that they don't either that all they bring is disappointment and rejection and that is how I feel.  Yes, my mother made sure the holidays were nice for me, but there were just some things she couldn't fix.  She couldn't make someone love me or want to spend time with me when he didn't.  Here I am, 43 years old and still suffering that same disappointment and rejection.  Why do I care?  I don't know.  All I know is the one parent that loved me and thought the world of me and would have done anything for me, is gone.

So, I am going to try to get through this day, with a smile on my face and try to remember my mother when she was the most happy, loud, boisterous woman.  She was me times 10.  That's what I will focus on, not the small, frail, weak, soft spoken woman that she ended up being in the end.  I will hug my dog tight, knowing that if she was here, she would be doing the same.  I will light that candle and I will always love my Mom and I will always miss her the most on Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas Mom.

Happy St. Nick Day!

Today is St. Nick Day and today I am really thinking of my mother.  Up until I was 21 years of age, St. Nick visited my house.  Sometimes, I wouldn't have a clue that it was St. Nick Day until I went to go out of the door to go to school and would nearly trip over a bag of goodies.  Sometimes I would go to put on my shoes and find money in them.

The goodie bags usually had candy bars, Bubble Yum (which was a hot commodity back them) oranges and walnuts.  All the goodies were in a brown paper sack that was twisted closed at the top.  As I got older and stopped believing in Santa, I also questioned who St. Nick really was.

My mother swore that it wasn't her, yet I reminded her that she would never let me eat things from strangers.  I thought for awhile that she may have invested in the help of my Great Aunt Marg.  I really don't know.  My mother never admitted doing it.

I am almost certain it was my mom.  It had to be.  And she never forgot.  Neither will I.

Happy St. Nick Day!  May you find some money in your shoe!