Thursday, June 7, 2012

On Hold

Well, my surgery is now on hold.  I was to have it next Thursday, but an abnormal EKG has put a halt to it.  It seems as though when I had my EKG two weeks ago, that I was in Atrial Fibrillation.  It's where the top half of your heart is working twice as fast as the bottom part of your heart.  The big risk with it is blood pooling in the heart, possibly forming clots, which then could result in a stroke.

I firmly believe that in January of 2011, I was in Afib then as well.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  I must have come out of it before I got to the hospital since it never showed up on my EKG then and I was on a heart monitor for 24 hours and had a stress test the next day.  Everything checked out okay and I was told that my heart was healthy.

This explains so much to me.  I was diagnosed with acid reflux or possible gall bladder issues after that episode.  I've had these feelings again, off and on, and treated them as acid reflux.  I now know why I haven't felt good for years.  I think I have been going into and out of Afib for some time now.  It explains why I am exhausted all of the time and my sense of anxiety too.

I also was put on a happy pill.  I really have reservations about that.  I am just so afraid that once you start taking anti-depressants that you never get off of them.  I have finally admitted to myself, though, that I have been severely depressed for some time now.  YEARS.  I think it started when my mother, first, initially got sick and I was hit with all of the responsibility that I would carry for years.  I am a classic case of "just because someone looks happy and laughs a lot doesn't mean that she's okay on the inside".

I am also finally admitting to myself that I am not well.  I have entirely too much stress in my life.  I am not healthy and I don't need any jackass telling me that I should lose some weight.  No shit Sherlock.  However, until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, don't judge.  I'm not making excuses, but it's hard to be active when you don't have any energy or desire to be active.  It's hard to eat better when you don't have the time or energy to shop, cook or hell even decide what to eat.

I can't tell you the last time I hopped out of bed feeling good.  I can probably count on one hand how many times in the past year.  I never feel rested, I know I wake up a gazillion times through the night.  Sleep Apnea can put people into Afib, so that is something that will need to be checked.  I also had my thyroid tested to see if that is causing these issues.

Either way, I am happy that finally something is coming up to explain why I feel like shit all of the time.  I am disappointed beyond belief that I have to wait, yet again, to have relief from the other things, but I guess the old ticker is much more important.  I will get by, I always do, but I'm just a little tired with life and all it's curveballs at the moment.


SWTBB said...

Rhonda, sorry to hear all this is going on with you. Believe it or not, I can identify with many of these aspects with you. The depression with all the responsibilities of special needs kids and responsibilities, acid refulx I know I should get taken care of. I was in the ER over memorial day with a TIA, things are not the best with Chuck and I. I've had meds increased and I feel like I am falling apart. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this so I am harboring this all to myself. I didn't mean to go on about myself, I'm just saying I can feel for how you have been feeling too.

I love you buddy and I am always here if you need anything, please give me a buzz or we could also try and get together somehow.

Love, SWTBB!

Anonymous said...

Oh my, when I read this, I thought I may have written this. That is the same way I feel. Had many tests done but never found anything. I am "Okay" I was tested for sleep apnea and was told I have a very mild case. I have a Cpap machine, but that caused ear pressure issues and I could not even sit at my desk as I was very dizzy. I will follow this blog to see what you discover. I also know about not having the energy to do anything. I am there too. Good luck,

Sherrie (Retro Beauty Bar) said...

So interesting how this seems to be happening to quite a few of us. I bet it's more common than we realize. I was in the ER from Monday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon this week. I went in because I was having chest pain. They did tons of blood work, 2 EKG's and a stress test the next morning. They said everything is fine - could find nothing wrong. Of course the pain hasn't gone away. I've been told to lose weight, get plenty of exercise and have been berated countless times for not doing what they suggest. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing it!! Just like your friend SWTBB, I'm not trying to hijack your blog....just wanted you to know you're not alone and I can completely sympathize with what you've been going through. Owning a salon is such a huge responsibility, and I'm guilty of putting that and my clients first and always putting myself on the back burner. I do hope you get things sorted out soon so that you feel better!! I'll be keeping you in my prayers!