The Carnival Clusterf*uck

We went on our vacation January 5-15. The first 7 days, we were on a Carnival Cruise, despite my refusal to go on another Carnival Cruise, I was asked to "be a buddy" and agree to go. Against my better judgement, I did.

I can honestly say, that in 13 cruises, this was by far the WORST cruise I have ever been on. Never, never, ever again will I go on a Carnival cruise. I don't care who begs me or what they say. Never again.

It all started on our way to the port. The computerized signs that direct you to the terminal that you are porting out of said that the Carnival Triumph was at Terminal E. We pull up in a cab and are told that we are in Terminal F. On our way between the terminals, we see all these people, dragging all their luggage, in the heat between the terminals. When we get to F, I tell the cabbie to wait until I confirm that this is the correct terminal. It was.

I sent an FYI text to my friends, who would be coming two hours later to let them know about the mix up. I figured that the sign would be corrected by the time they arrived since I told no less than three Carnival employees about the mistake and people having to walk between the terminals. Two hours later, the sign is still incorrect.

We checked in, got our room keys, proceeded to our room. We immediately found a half eaten can of Cheetos and a box of Cherrios. The $65 robes from the room were missing as well. Then, we find out that our toilet doesn't work.

Our friends arrive and we call all day for them to open our balconies up. We get rooms in a row, just so we can open then up and have a large balcony to socialize on. We call and call. They say they can't do it. We say why not, we've always done it. Finally, in the morning they do it.

Our toilet never did work. Every three flushes, it died. Every morning I had to call and complain. Every morning I was given a speech about not putting things in the toilet that don't belong. I finally showed the maintenance guy that we weren't even putting toilet tissue in.

Two days into the cruise, I tried to open an internet account. I was denied. Upon going to the Pursor's desk, we were told we never checke in. WTF???? We have been going into and out of our room for two days. We've been charging drinks to our room for two days. We both got on and off the ship twice, by punching our cards and our pictures showed up. The guy still insisted that we never checked in. Well check us in, buddy.

Our waiter was a rude jackass. We went to dinner two nights. On the second night, I ordered a sirloin burger from the alternative menu. He did not ask me how I wanted it done, so I told him that I would like it well done. He told me I had a choice of rare or medium rare. I explained that I wanted NO pink. He again told me I could pick rare or medium rare. I tried once again to tell him I wanted NO pink. Finally, one of the guys yelled at him. I did get my burger with no pink, but geez, why argue???

Now let's talk about arriving in St. Thomas. Carnival must have really pissed off the officials there. I've travelled many times since September 11 and NEVER experienced something like this. We were told, due to Homeland Security, in St. Thomas, everyone must go through immigration whether you are getting off the boat or not at 9:00am. We are made to get into a line. 3700 people going through a line with 2 agents. Let me tell you, I saw every inch of the casino. We were in a line that snaked for two hours and 45 minutes.

Once we got off the boat, we wanted to go to town, which is about two miles away to catch the ferry to go to St. John for the day. These taxi commission people start barking at us and we are pretty much told that it will be $10 each. Ah, no, we are not paying $60 to go 2 miles. I am told by the taxi commission people that I am cheap and to go ahead and try to find a ride for less. Guess what? We walked about a block and found a ride for $1 each. We paid $6 instead of $60.

On the fourth day of our toilet not working, at 7 am. I call and freak out. I pretty much tell them that I am going to ask for a refund. I am told that they would have someone fix it, but didn't know how long it would take, possibly noon, possibly longer. This is a day at sea. I ask what are we to do if we need to use the bathroom, I am told to feel free to use any public restroom. At this point I went balistic.

They finally did fix the toilet that day......UNTIL the last day, when it didn't work in the morning again. Of course, there was no one to be found. I can honestly say, we left it filled to the hilt. We talked about leaving a note for the poor sucker that would be checking into the room that night. We felt certain that the people before us had the same problem and the people after us will too.

Moral of the story......................Carnival Cruise Line SUCKS!