Mr. Speedo 2010

This year, just like last year, the Speedos were out in full force in Punta Cana.  This year, however, I crowned TWO Mr. Speedos.  I crowed the second Mr. Speedo Hell NO and this year, there was a contestant that wore a Speedo so impressively that I had to crown him Mr. Speedo 2010.  Folks, he had at least four Speedos on this trip.  He could have had more and I just didn't see him the other three days.

Here is a little video montage that I put together.....

Here are some noteables that I got still photographs of.  First, we have Hulk Hogan.  Listen Hulk, don't you know that crack kills?

This guy needs the same advice, just say no to crack.  Seriously, if the crack of your ass is showing you need to purchase a bigger size or two.

Speedos and fanny packs?  Really?  Shouldn't that be on your fanny, not on your "package"?

Here is Mr. Bruises, totally oblivious to the awesomeness that just passed by him.

Now he finally learns and gets in on the act!  I hope someone gave that dude some sunscreen!

Okay and here is Mr. Speedo 2010!  I swear this guy could crack a nut with his buttocks!  THIS is what you should look like if you want to wear a Speedo!

We've got the blue and orange print.

The blue tie dye.

The black one, which had red stipes on the front.

And a yellow and blue print.

And now a closer look at Mr. Speedo Hell No.  I swear in the video, he paused and let me get a good, long look at him.  Trouble is, I was blinded by all of that white shit on his face. 

Until next time.......

We're Home!

Well we are home. It was an awesome trip, I think that everyone should go on vacation to paradise for their birthday even if it is just once. Mr. Bruises and I have been considering doing our vacation every year at this time, instead of right after New Years.

Once I get through all of the Speedo footage and photos, I will be posting my Second Annual Mr. Speedo post. I have a funny feeling that the judges (me, myself and I) are going to award TWO crowns this year. We will see how the voting goes.

Some observations from this trip…..Americans are polite, maybe too polite. Everyday I was amazed by the rudeness of European people. They play chicken with you in all of the walkways. You have to give way, they never will. They push right in front of you in every buffet line, actually reaching in front of you and there is never an “Excuse me” or even a smile. They sit or stand close to you, scarily invading our personal space and proceed to have a conversation in their own language that is at least three decibels too loud. I am a loud person, believe me when I say, they make me sound like I am whispering.

I think the most appalling thing I saw was a grandmother and father, who brought a child to the pool with full-blown pink eye in both eyes. He had the tapioca pudding-looking goop running down his face. He was rubbing his eyes and miserable. Of course, he was touching things with those goop-covered hands. I wonder how many people unknowingly got pink eye from those inconsiderate guardians.

Mr. Bruises wants to do a cruise next year. We will see. He has a whole year to work on me. The thoughts of being herded like cattle once again and put into a room with a toilet that won’t flush and no one caring is not appealing to me what so ever.

I can’t wait to see the Golden Boys tonight. It’s been seven days since I was double spooned by golden fur. From what you all have been telling us about home, I am sure I will welcome the extra warmth because it’s going to be a real culture shock. This is especially true since I lost my jacket in the airport on the way in. I have my winter vest, but I don’t have any shirts with sleeves!

Vacation Halfway Mark

We are at the halfway mark on our vacation.  Stupidly, I only brought one book and I read it the first day I was here.  Our resort doesn't have the awesome book swap in the lobby that the Riu had, which is where we have stayed the last two times we were here.  We realized last night that we were next door.  So......Mr. Bruises and I infiltrated the Riu Resort and raided the book swap.  Not much to choose from but I do have a book to read now.

Mr. Speedo was out again today, sunning his buns.  I was quite impressed with the fact that he had a new color on today.  I think I just may have to give hime the Mr. Speedo crown just for that fact alone.

Here he is sunning his Buns of Steel that I am sure he could crack nuts with.

I swear to God that this lady is the neighbor from Something About Mary, you know, the one with the wrinkled up boobies that suns herself all the time.  Let me tell you, she doesn't look bad from behind, especially since she's got to be about 90, but be thankful that I didn't take a photo from the front.  Yowsa!

And look!  Hulk Hogan is here too!  Someone needs to tell him to "Just Say NO to Crack!"

Finally, these three drunk people demonstrate for you why you should never drink and play in the surf!

Punta Cana - Wednesday

Well, we have settled in.  We know our way around this ginormous resort.  It's been very relaxing so far.  I actually got some things made for my Etsy Shop today.

This is the tram that takes us to the beach and back every day.  It takes us no more time to get to the beach as it did for us to walk to the beach from our other resort.

The Speedos are out in full force.  I've been collecting photos and video for the Mr. Speedo Hell No 2010 pagent.  This dude here, doesn't actually look to bad, at least he is built fairly good.  He reminds me a lot of someone from home "facewise".  Anyone want to guess who?

Here is the back view.  I think he could use just a teensy bit more material back there, but again, at least he doesn't have the saggy ass like last year's winner.

Internet is working awesome.  It's so nice to sit out on our veranda in the morning and evening blogging or catching up with all of you at home.  I hear you got some snow!  For that, I truly am sorry.  I promise to TRY to bring some warm weather home with me.

We have our first Ala Cart dinner tonight.  We get three.  Usually we eat at the buffet, but you can eat at three specialty restaurants during your stay.  Mr. Bruises is over the moon because he gets to eat at the Japanese Steakhouse tonight.  This isn't something I would normally enjoy, but I am going to suck it up for it.

It's the least I could so since he was my Speedo decoy today.  I pretended to take a lot of photos of him today while photographing Speedos.  Here, he is totally oblivious of the awesomeness that just passed him.

Now, he has finally caught on.

Oh, what would I do without Speedos on vacation?

Punta Cana - We're here!

We have arrived at the Grand Bahia Principe in Punta Cana. This place is enormous. I will admit, we were both a little overwhelmed when we got here due to the size of the place. After getting a snack, Mr. Bruises went to an orientation and walked around while I took a much needed nap. I felt much better after he woke me up and he felt much better after getting a feel for the place and learning the lay of the land.


The beach is so far away, however, they do have these little trams that take you to an from the beach. We just need to get into our routine and we will be fine.

I swear, no matter where you stay, the food is the same. I predict that I will be living on the “P Diet” again this year: Pineapple, Pizza, Pasta, Pepsi and Pina Coladas. We did get reservations at the three restaurants that we wanted, turns out they already had us booked for the Italian and Mexican, so we added the Japanese Steakhouse.

This place is 10 steps up from the Riu Resorts where we have always stayed. It’s OMG luxurious. The bathroom is to die for and our room is huge. There is something going on everywhere. We have our own little mall. We don’t have the bar in our room with the liquor hanging upside down with dispensers, but that’s okay, because Mr. Bruises insisted on bringing his own huge bottle of coconut rum for us and I am glad that he did.

The little fridge only had two Pepsis, two waters and two beers in it. While searching for an ice machine, I found a closet and helped myself to a case of Pepsi. Hey, it’s free and I am just helping the maid out by not having to bring us stuff for our rum. You should have seen Mr. Bruises face when I walked in the room with it.

I am typing this without Internet. I am going tonight to rent the wireless card. I have to take the laptop with me and they install something on it and I will be able to use my laptop in the room, in the lobby and at the pools. I only need it for in the morning, when I blog and in the evening to check email and upload photos and videos. I am a little concerned that they may load something onto my computer that I don’t want on there, however, I feel that if they do, I will be able to remove it later and I really don’t keep anything personal on here like credit card numbers and such.

We are going to be off for our first beach adventure soon. I have the Flip Cam all charged up for the Mr. Speedo Hell No 2010 pageant.

And we're off!

Mr. Bruises and I are heading out for our annual vacation.  We are going to Punta Cana.  This will be our third trip there.  I am so ready to escape life and the wonderful Pennsylvania weather.

I should have Internet once there, so I hope to update daily as well as still keep uploading my Project365 photo a day photos.

Our house sitter and pet sitter will be taking care of things while we are gone, so don't get any funny ideas about looting our house while we are gone.  Tina and BFF Jill are holding down the fort at The Purple Pinkie as well.

I will be taking orders soon.  If you would like me to drink a Pina Colada for you, let me know and I will!

The Birthday

Well, yesterday was Mr. Bruises' birthday. I threatened him that I would make him wear the "Birthday Cake Hat" if he wanted me to go to Disney with him. Well, I got him to put it on at the end of the day for a photo. Turns out he didn't need it.
When he went to collect his free ticket for his birthday, they gave him a Happy Birthday pin with his name one it. The cast member who wrote it even dotted his eye with a Mickey Mouse head. That pin was wonderful.

Throughout the day, cast members would say "Happy Birthday, Nick!" The first couple of times, he didn't realize they were talking to him. Then the guests started it. The security lady at our hotel was going to bust out and sing to him, but noticed that he was blushing just from the near mention of his special day, she decided not to torture him further.

We started the day at The Animal Kingdom. I know some are not fans of this park, but I am. I love animals and love learning about them. The decor of this park really makes you feel like you are actually in Asia or Africa. Expedition Everest was an awesome ride as was the Jungle Safari.

I absolutely loved their Christmas tree. It was all decked out in animal ornaments. This was, by far, my favorite tree at Disney.

We upgraded Mr. Bruises' ticket to a park hopper so that we could spend half of the day at Epcot. Now this is my least favorite park. I think it's too educational. I am on vacation. I want to be entertained. I did, however, enjoy the park. Soarin' was awesome!

We rode Spaceship Earth and there was a part where they took our photo and I goofed around during it. Little did I know that they would use it later for a video. It turned out hysterical mainly due to our facial expressions!


There was some really cool light and water shows going on all day. The trees were white, pink and purple.

We ate dinner at the Mexican restaurant in the world showcase. The chips and salsa were to die for. We ended the night at The Tambu Lounge at The Polynesian, where we had the greatest pina coladas ever made. Seriously. If you are ever at Disney World, go there and try them.

All in all, I think Mr. Bruises had a great birthday. The Asshole Parade that I had to endure was worth it to see him happy on his special day.

Magic Kingdom Day

We hung around the pool yesterday. I swear the Polynesian has bed bugs or I am allergic to something in the room. I was head to toe itchy yesterday and it is continuing this morning.

We went to The Magic Kingdom for Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party. We’ve attended it before, so we knew it was a good time. We got to enter the park three hours before the party started.

We had dinner at Tony's the restaurant from Lady and the Tramp. We got the famous spaghetti and meatballs and NO we didn't chew on the same strand ofd spaghetti.

The castle was lit up so pretty, they not only had lights on it, they changed the colors of it too. There were fireworks and two parades. Through the park were areas set up that you could get free cookies and hot chocolate. When we were leaving, it was snowing on Main Street!

The park was filled with assholes, as usual. We rode Pirates of the Caribbean with some old bastard that thought that he deserved one and a half of a seat portion to himself by spreading his legs so wide that Mr. Bruises and I had one and a half portion to share. He then had to talk loudly during the whole ride, screaming out things.

Then, during Donald’s Philharmonic 3D thingie, some bitch behind me sang EVERY single song AND she didn’t know the words. Loudly.

Then we encountered the Drunk Dad. We rode Small World with him first and he was yelling and pointing everything out to his toddler. We then got stuck on the Snow White ride with him. When he saw the dwarves for the first time he exclaimed “Look, there are the Elves!” I know it’s the holiday season, but come on!

Then during the parade, we encountered the Future Assholes, a group of tween girls that crowded themselves next to us. I sat there and watched them throw pieces of their turkey leg at people as they walked by. They then proceeded to flick the crowd control rope, so that it hit me in the face while I sat. After three times, I gave the brat the look of death. All the while, the parents just let them go.

I’ve come to the conclusion that people are just rude. I thought it was just the foreigners at Disney, but there are very few here this time. If you don’t give way when encountering someone, you will find yourself playing chicken with a baby stroller. People smack into you and never even acknowledge that they did it. THIS is what I hate about Disney. I love the rides, the ambiance, everything. I just hate the rude people.

Today is Mr. Bruises birthday and we are heading to Animal Kingdom. It’s been a great day so far, I slept all night. I think the assholes next door left! Let’s hope that all the assholes went home!

Happiest Place on Earth?

Really? For being in/near The Happiest Place on Earth, I am not too pleased, let alone happy. First, Disney is a money, grubbing whore. Mr. Bruises is paying an INSANE amount of money to stay at The Polynesian. Even though the daily rate is MORE than some people pay for rent at home, we still have to pay for Internet service. WOW, the Comfort Inn next door is $59 a night, free WI-FI and free shuttle to all Disney Parks. Why are we staying here again?

Next was our neighbors. We knew we were in trouble when we had the room next to the strollers and yes, that is plural. Listen, I don't hate kids, I actually love them. I have two nieces and a nephew and three great nephews and one great niece. I do, however, HATE unruly kids with no parenting. Our neighbors qualify. At 4:00 am it started. The blood-curdling screaming. The kicking of the walls. The opening and slamming of inner and outer doors. I actually heard someone bang on their door. Still, it continued until 5:30. An hour and a half of that bullshit.

At one point, I was going to bang on their door as well. I yanked the door open, in my jammies, only to be greeted with the father, staring right by my door, fully dressed. I stood there, with that squinty eye that I get when I am really pissed and just stared him down, then slammed the door. I really don't have time for inconsiderate people.

I sure hope I don't have two more days of this bullshit. I have a hotel phone and I am not afraid to use it. We will be having words if it happens again. I may even have to inform those little monsters that there IS NO SANTA!

Anywhoo I am going to try to not let this ruin my trip. This and a few other reasons are why I can't stand Disney World, but it's for Mr. Bruises birthday, I will try to block it all out.

We ate at the Hard Rock last night and OMG Weezie, our waiter from when we were there in January was there! I instantly sent a text to BFF Jill, Amanda and Lynn. I almost immediately got responses:

BFF Jill: Shut UP!

Amanda: Shut your mouth!

Lynn: From the Jeffersons?

I literally LOL'd at Lynn. Yes she is blonde, but she is a SMART ONE! So I replied to her:

Rhonda: No our waiter from the Hard Rock. Wait.....that's right, you were drunk, with your head on the table!

(True fact, please see photographic evidence!)

Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party tonight!

Last day on Sanibel

We spent our last full day on Sanibel by heading to Captiva. We spent the day at the beach, then had dinner at the Key Lime Bistro. We had pina coladas there the day before. That was the best meal of the trip.

We then walked down to The Bubble Room for dessert. I plan to do a whole post on The bubble room when I get home, because that place deserves it. I took a ton of photos. As you can see, the desserts here are BIG!

I had the White Christmas, which was a white cake, with coconut and white chocolate shavings.

I made sure I got a close up of the Red Velvet cake for BFF Jill.

George and Donna took advantage of The Tunnel of Love.

Final review, we LOVE Sanibel and will most definitely return. George and Donna are on their way home today and Mr. Bruises and I are now heading to Orlando to Disney World for his birthday until Thursday!

Beach Bumming It!

Yesterday was a beach bum day. We started off at Tarpon Bay Beach. here I am assuming the Sanibel Stoop. You will see people walking the beach like this because there are seashells everywhere.

While we were there, there was obviously a Seagull Convention going on.

We then moved to Captiva Island and low and behold, there was a Pelican Convention going on.

At this beach on Captiva, there was a mountain of seashells. I mean a total mountain of them. This picture doesn't do it justice but you could dig for hours and never hit sand. It was amazing.

We saw the best sunset of our lives on that beach. So many people came out to the beach to watch the sunset as well.

We then had some Pina Coladas, then got cleaned up and headed to Fort Myers Beach to The Cottage for dinner. Kylie was our waitress. For those of you at home, she looks wonderful and she seems happy. Kylie has fit right in down here. When we left, I told her roomie Scott, to make sure she comes home.

It looks like it's going to be another beautiful day here. We are reading reports on Twitter and Facebook that back home is a sheet of ice and even church is cancelled. So, as we head out to the beach for another beautiful day, we hope you all at home, stay warm and safe in your homes!

Our visit to Profiles!

We had a fun-filled day, yesterday. We went and picked Kylie up and headed to Profiles Salon. Kylie and I got our nails done and Donna got a facial and a massage. Tom-Tom got us lost on the way, so we were a little late.

The boys headed for the casino, but Tom Tom got them lost again, so they went to WalMart then hung out on the bench outside of the salon.

It was great to see all the gals and catch up. Ami did my nails and Ashley did Kylie's. Traci was floating around and Marty popped in for a minute and I got to harass him a bit Here are Kylie and I posing with Ami.

We then headed to a beach on Sanibel. We saw the most amazing sunset from that beach. We then headed out to dinner at the Lazy Flamingo and then went somewhere and entered Karaoke Hell. Trust me, when I get home and have time to edit all of the video footage from last night, it is going to be an awesome watch.

I hope all of you back home are staying warm. We are trying to send you some good weather!