I Guess I Have Cute Feet

Those of you who are Facebook Friends with me got to enjoy the fun I had with the "Foot Fettish Dude" last night.  I think it's fair to start from the beginning and share the whole story.

Last fall, I received a phone message that Kylie took from this dude.  She was all smirky when she gave me the info.  The message said that he was looking for foot models for his company for a shoe brochure.  I called him and the conversation went pretty much like this.

ME:  Hi Zack, this is Rhonda from The Purple Pinkie returning your call.
FFD:  Hi.  Silence.
ME:  What did you want?
FFD: Um, yeah we are looking for foot models and we figure you see a lot of feet.
ME:  Foot models for what?
FFD: For pictures and stuff.
ME:  Well if you get me some information or brochures, I will be happy to give them to anyone who is inetersed.
FFD:  Okay.

I hung up perplexed.  He sounded totally unprepared.  Like he didn't have a clue.

Next thing I know, he starts texting me.

I am busy, I ignore the text.  I get another one.

When I reply, I totally missed the first text and the whole FETTISH word.  I am at the salon, I am busy, at this point I am still thinking he's legit and looking for models for a shoe catalog.  It continues......

At this point I am like are you fucking kidding me?  This guy is a perv and a freak and something is fishy.  It continues.......

So at this point, I am skeeved out and I think he's got the message.  Something tells me to save his number just in case.  So I save it in my contacts as Foot Fettish Dude.  Well, my Spidey Sense was correct because last night, he texted again.  I once again, ignored his first text, so after his second text I decided to tell him like it was.

So, not only is he a perv, he's an illiterate perv.  I don't even know if Zack Clark is his real name.  A search of his cell phone number shows that it could be either a Butler cell number or an Indiana one.  Either way, I hope this is the last of him.  

My friend Tara said if it was her, she would have met him, kicked him in the nuts, took his $200 and asked him "How do you like my feet now?"  I think that is an excellent idea.

FREAK!

Bra Color Prudes - DAOTW

Last week, I got a notice in my Facebook Inbox to put the color of my bra as my FB Status to help raise awareness for breast cancer.  Nothing else, just the color.  I did it.  You know, you can't be too aware of this horrible disease and now that the powers that be claim that you don't need to do breast exams and you don't need regular mamograms at the young ages of 40-49.  I guess they think you only get breast cancer after 50.

So, it was quite amusing to see how many people participated in this.  I have a network of over 600 people on my FB account.  I know a lot of people because of being in the nail industry, roller derby, Stampin' Up!, family and friends.  I swear, every female on my friend's list participated.

Friday, a client told a story of some people on HER friends list complaining about the stunt.  Here are the two Dumbasses of the Week.  One, a man, complained that it was like nails on a chalk board.  Another, a woman, said that she was not to happy that she was going to have to sit behind some people in church on Sunday and know what color bra that person has on and it was disgusting.  REALLY?!?

First, the guy, based on past history, before he became a Christian, most likely is pissed that he can't see all these bras in person.  Sorry, church dosen't cure sex addicts, therapy does.  Second, the woman probably only has sex for procreation, she never would consider it for pleasure.  Third, I bet this woman has the same "disgusting thoughts in church" problem after going to the beach or a public pool and running into another parishioner in their swimming suit.  Let's face it, some swimming suits are MORE revealing than a bra.  Remember the Speedos people?  With this incident, people only TYPED the color and she had to read it, OMG imagine the horror of her seeing with her own eyes! 

They both better go to church and pray for themselves.  Seriously, quit being such a hypocrite in the first case and a prude in the second case.  Too many woman are suffering with this disease and sadly many die from it. 

Just like television, if you don't want to watch it, change the channel.  If you don't want to participate, don't post it and don't read it.  If it bothers you enough, delete those people, I am sure you would be left with only men on your friends list then. :o)

Now go feel your boobies, girls!

Final Dumb Ass Award of 2009

I haven't handed out a Dumbass of the Week award (DAOTW) in awhile.   I am pleased to announce that I have found a final recipient of the award for 2009!  While standing in line at Wal-Mart, the jackass in front of me, who was from out of town (he had the thickest southern drawl I've ever heard), started pitching a royal fit because the WalMart clerk, who was helping the cashier ticked him off.  Why you ask?  Well it seems that fat ass - jackass expected the clerk to put his big ass bag of rock salt in his cart for him.  The problem with this scenario?  The clerk has ONE ARM!

Seriously.  You want a one armed man to pick up a 20 pound pag of rock salt and heave it into your cart?  BFF Jill said that I should have kicked him in the knee then said "Now go run a marathon".  I wish I would have thought of that.

Congratulations fat ass - jackass, you are the final Dumbass of the Week for 2009!  Now go the hell back to wherever you came from and everyone, when in WalMart and you see Art, tell him what a great job he's doing.  Got to give the guy credit, he could be sitting at home on his ass collecting disability, but no.  He is employed and has to put up with jackasses like this!  Way to go Art!

All to Ourselves....

Mr. Bruises and I went to the movies tonight to see Couples Retreat. When we walked in, we were amazed to see that we were the only ones in the theatre.

Minutes before the movie started, others came. Inconsiderate others. Now we all know that when you are at the movies that you should turn your ringer off on your cell phone. They even tell you this in the previews AND tell you to not text.

These inconsiderate assholes were receiving phone calls during the entire movie. I am talking ring, rind, doodle dee, doo, da and then actually having an entire conversation. Four times. Seriously.

It took all I could to keep from jumping over my row, because you know there is a whole flipping movie theatre, but the asshole has to sit one row behind us and to the right, and taking that phone and shoving it so far up her ass that she will never hear it ring again.

I know what it is like to have a total love affair with your phone. I am having an affair with mine currently. My BeBe (my Blackberry's name) was safely in my coat pocket in the "Sleep" mode. If I can do it so can you asshole.

Oh, and the movie was so-so.

Douchebags and Cell Phones

Today, I encountered one of the biggest Douchebags in all Douchbagland. He was in line in front of me at Blockbuster Video in Butler. He approached the counter, talking very loudly on his cell phone. The clerk attempted a few times to wait on him, but he just ignored the clerk. Everyone in the store can hear his conversation. He is obviously trying to sell a vehicle that has new tires, new this and new that and is totally worth more than what is being offered. Blah, blah, blah.

My patience is running thin and the clerk is being entirely too polite. I say "If you aren't going to check out, can you please step aside?" He ignores me and the clerk, who once again attempts to wait on him. By this time there is a line behind me.

His conversation gets louder and louder until he screams, and I mean screams "I am telling you $1500 is the lowest I will accept!" That was it. I had enough. I can guarantee you that he was screaming at his wife, who talked to someone who made an offer on this douchebag's piece of shit vehicle. I said loudly, and with authority this time, "If you aren't going to check out, step aside!" No need for saying please this time. Well, this got his attention.

He never turns around, but screams at me "I am trying to check out, but no one will wait on me!" to which I yell back "They have been trying to, but you won't get off the damn phone, which is totally rude." He then screams to the person on the phone "I got to go, I just pissed some customer off" and finally hangs up the phone. I say "Dude you are being totally rude."

At this point he storms to the door. I totally think out loud at this point and say "What a douchebag". He stops at the door and looks at me and replies "You should try it." Seriously? That's all you can come up with?

You, Douchebag cell phone user, in line, screaming at your poor wife are THE Dumbass of the Week. Enjoy your title! Douche.

Health Notice

Saturday, when I went to pick BFF Jill up for our shopping trip, I noticed a sign on her door. I stood there and read it, then thought to myself, "You go girl, go on with your bad self". I then took a picture and shared it on Facebook. We got a ton of comments on the photo. One of my friends, who is in the industry belongs to a mommy forum in the state of Indiana and she shared it on her forum.

Every forum has their trolls. You know the ones. They are the ones that find fault in anything that certain people type. No matter what it is. This forum is no different and this person, let's call her "Indy" has a real bug up her ass about the sign.

Here are some direct quotes from her ( I am leaving all of her spelling errors):

If I saw this posted on a salon door/window, I would never set foot in there again. I would tell anyone I ever met not to set foot in there. I think it is presumtuous and incredibly rude.

When you choose a job where you are working with the public, this is the chance you take. And, I believe it is your choice. It is not a time to alienate customers, I wouldn't think. If you don't want the flu, wear a mask. Stay home. Cut your hours. It is YOUR responsibility, not everyone elses. Alternatively, if you work with the public, you should pretty much expect to get sick. Period. If you don't wish to get all the illnesses going around, then get a job where you aren't around many people (I am only around other staff all day).

This is just so freakin rude to me. Now HERE is where I see a sense of entitlement that is not yours. Shows very poor behavior, I think. And a horrible attitude to people who pay your bills.

I know, you are all thinking that this bitch is on crack, so do we. First, we are self-employed. If we don't work, we don't get paid so cutting our hours is not an option. If we get sick, we have no sick pay, so if YOU make ME sick, I lose money. Also, all the patrons in the salon risk getting sick as well because of YOUR selfish ass. Who has a sense on entitlement here? Lastly, just because we provide a service, it does not mean you PAY MY BILLS. I owe you nothing but a safe environment to get a service. Also, as a business owner, I can refuse service for any reason. Period. Lastly, in the state of PA, it is against state board rules to provide a service when you have an infection or contagious disease AND it is also against rules to provide a service ON someone that has one.

So, BFF Jill and I created our newest video that is dedicated to this Dumb Ass of the Week from the state of Indiana. We even wrote a little jingle for her. Enjoy!

Adventures in Healthcare

Tuesday, I had an appointment to visit the "Lady" doctor. I became suspicious when I didn't receive a confirmation call. I called the office to confirm the appointment and to find out their new location, since the office had moved since I had last been in. The receptionist informed me that I had CANCELLED my appointment for that day. Well all I know is someone no-showed them because they cancelled the wrong appointment. Luckily, my appointment time was still available and I could still go in.

I arrive ten minutes before my appointment in case I have to fill out any paperwork. The is a very annoying woman in the waiting room with me that just goes on and on about how tired she is and that she's falling asleep waiting. Well, that's what happens when you smoke crack! On and on and on. Complain, complain, complain, complain. She tells the receptionist that she wants to take a walk outside to wake up, she is told that she is next. She goes out anyway. They call her name, she is not there. Fifteen minutes later she returns and is all pissed off because they called her and she wasn't there.

Next, a lady that is deaf and mute walks in and tries to communicate with the receptionist. She finally resorts in writing a message. She wants to know why the office next door isn't open. How in the hell is the receptionist supposed to know? That would be like coming in my salon and asking me why the insurance agency next door is closed. Anyway 15 minutes later, no exaggeration, the lady leaves.

By this time, I am in the waiting room ONE HOUR past my scheduled appointment. I am ready to beat the shit out of Crack Head. I'm so sleepy! I am falling asleep! I had to literally go to my happy place to keep from screaming "Quit smoking fucking crack" at her.

Finally I am called back. I actually don't have to sit and wait too long back there. Score!! I find out that I have to have a few tests and some blood work done. So, I head off for the hospital next door.

I walk in, get in line and who the hell do you think is in line in front of me? CRACK HEAD. Good lord. Guess what? She is getting blood work done too! FML

Now, I get to hear all about how she is 39 years old and may be pregnant. Oh, and her husband is dead. Blah, blah, blah. I am reaching real deep now, people.

She gets called in. Thank goodness. I am sitting there enjoying my peace and quiet. Then, the fire alarm goes off. No one seems too concerned. A few people walk past with fire extinguishers and the elevators get shut down. No one tries to evacuate anyone, so I just sit there and Crack Head is still in there getting her blood work.

I look up and who do I see coming out of the snack bar? The deaf mute lady. OMG the crazies are all following me!!!!

Fifteen minutes pass and more people show up for blood work. The alarm is still going off, it sounds like a deranged trolley bell. It's annoying.

I finally get called back. GOODIE! I get in the curtain area next to Crack Head. Apparently they have worked all this time trying to get blood out of her veins. They finally had to call in an IV team. You can tell that the two techs are ready to put a shoe in her ass.

My tech is excellent. I barely feel a pinch and he removes three vials of blood quickly and painlessly. I am on my way out in a few minutes. Crack Head, is still there, preparing to annoy more people as the evening progresses.

As I am leaving, the fire trucks are outside. I overhear that it is a "non-emergency" most likely a smoking ballast in the entry. While leaving, two more fire trucks are pulling in.

That was too much excitement in two hours. That was entirely too much crazy as well.

The Bus Stop Wars Continue

Those of you who have been readers remember The Bus Stop Wars from last year and the second part of it. I finally thought, after having three conversations with this woman and having the police come and have her move her car twice that we had finally gotten through to her. It seems like summer break made her stupid again. Yesterday, there she was AGAIN, blocking our parking lot. It's a different car, and a different kid getting picked up, but it is clearly the SAME LADY.

I had to seriously walk away after taking the photo. If I went out to have a reasonable conversation with her, it would have gotten ugly really fast. The bus stop, which I had moved last year, is now approximately 50 yards from where she parks her car. This bus stops at the correct location and the kid walks all that way to the car.

First, wouldn't it make more sense to PARK WHERE THE BUS STOPS? I mean, really, there is plenty of parking there. Second, if you INSIST on parking in my parking lot, why can't you park like a normal human being in a parking space? Why must you park in the middle of the entrance to the parking lot so that no one can enter or exit?

You, my dear, are the Dumb Ass of the Week. It's been awhile since I've awarded it!

Motorcycle Class Day 2

Today was day two of the Motorcycle Safety Class. We got to ride today. I couldn't get my hands on a small video camera, but I should have one for next week. I did get this lovely photo of Douchbag. He's sitting on his "work car". Don't you just love his cowboy boots? Hawt! LOL

Well, I've renamed Wimpy. He reminds me of Dudley from Wild Hogs, so that is what I will refer to him as from now on. Dudley didn't do too bad. Dudley was behind me a lot and he really liked to rev his engine. Other than that and coming to a skidding stop at the end of every cycle, he wasn't too bad today.

Douchebag can ride, but he's still annoying. At one point, he is addressing one of the instructors as "Don", I told him that his name is Ben, to which he said, well Don is the other one, to which I said, "You mean BOB?". He then reminded me that he is old.

Three bikes went down. One bike was two of those downers. There are two other women in my class, a mother and daughter. The mother dumped her bike twice. She weighs like 90 pounds wet, so the fact that she kept the bike upright for the majority of the time was commendable on her part. The other bike that went down was mine. In my defense, I just gently laid it down and it was quite graceful. See, I was in the front row in the staging area, we were to immediately cut off our engines when we stopped, it was quite some time before everyone was in. We were told to dismount our bikes and I guess in that length of time, I totally forgot to put the kick stand down. I got a really nice look at Dudley's shoes, since he was to my immediate left. Nothing was hurt on me or the bike.

We then had to watch some more demonstrations then headed back to our bikes to try what we just watched. I get on my bike, look to my left and who do I see? Douchebag! He is on Dudley's bike! Why? Beats me. I guess Douchebag is just used to being in the front and just assumed it was his bike and Dudley is just clueless and went to the first bike that didn't have a rider. Now I KNOW that it was Dudley's bike next to mine because I just smelled his loafers!

Day two was a lot of fun and a very good learning experience. I learned to shift clear up to third gear and shift down. I learned how to come to a quick, controlled stop. I learned how to do a tight figure eight. I learned how to corner. I learned that Grizzly Adams thinks that I look good on a bike because he told me. He asked me what I rode and imagine the look on his face when I told him a Scooter? LOL The most important thing I learned today was to put the freaking kick stand down when dismounting.

I'm looking forward to next week, class and written test on Monday and more riding and riding test on Tuesday. If I pass both tests, I will have my license. Wild Hogs!!

Motorcycle Class Day 1

Today was Day One of my Motorcycle Safety Course. After fretting about where I was going to find boots this time of year, I was overjoyed when my instructor said that high top sneakers are acceptable, as long as they cover your ankles. Score!!

So, every class has a Douchebag and boy do we have one. I don't know if he is just making this shit up or if he really is that stupid and believes his nonsense. In two hours and forty-five minutes, we had to listen to at least a dozen stories like how he was hit by a car that is making a u-turn and while he is on the ground, the driver flips him off. My personal favorite was the one where he is on his motorcycle and comes around a bend and there is a huge LOG in the middle of the road and he "stood the bike up on end and ran over it". Yeah right. If that didn't make the 10 other people in the room all roll their eyes in synchronization, I don't know what will. And before you all start thinking that he was on a dual purpose bike, he was on a Harley. *cough*BULLSHIT*Cough*

Then we have Wimpy. Picture a soft-spoken, college professor type. So smart, but so dumb. We were all assigned questions to look up and we had to read our answers and give the page number so that everyone could highlight the answer. Wimpy just made shit up and it was usually wrong.

They assigned us to tables with people we didn't know. We were to interview a new friend and we had to introduce them to the class. Typical interview questions were: Name, where they were from, riding experience and what they wanted to gain from the class. Wimpy is assigned to a table with Grizzly Adams and Farm Boy. Wimpy interviews Grizzly and Grizzly interviews Wimpy, which leaves Farm Boy to interview himself. Seriously? You couldn't figure out how to do it so everyone interviewed someone else??

I just can't wait for tomorrow. We get on the bikes tomorrow. My money is on either Douchbag or Wimpy to hit the pavement. I plan to have my camera ready. This is turning out to be a very entertaining experience!! Stay tuned....................

How to be a Douchebag 101

First, you go to this blog and read it. Gina's Blog.

Then you log into your Myspace account and cut and paste the blog post in as your own. Douchebag's Myspace Blog

You will note that Gina posted her blog on May 11 at 10:36 am. Douchebag posted on May 11 at 12:44 pm.

Seriously? Your life is so boring that you have to plagiarize someone else? If you are going to repost something, at least give credit to the actual author. Don't let the Internet think you are so clever to come up with this shit on your own.

Someone. Needs to get a life. That way you can blog about it. You, Ms. Douchebag are the official Dumbass of the Week!

DAOTW, It's me!

I am not above crowning myself The Dumb Ass of the Week. Turns out, this week, it is me. See, I forgot that I live in Pennsylvania. I forgot, yesterday, that it was like, zero degrees out.

I hate dirty windows. When it rains really hard, the water runs between the building and the awning at the salon, leaving dirty streaks. This drives me nuts. Yesterday, I went to clean the windows and low and behold, the Windex froze on the windows!

Who would think that Windex would freeze on windows in single digit temeratures? A dumbass would never consider that!! I am wearing my crown and wearing it well!

New DAOTW Awardee

It's been awhile since I've awarded a Dumb Ass of the Week, but I heard of one last week and thought it was time to hand out another. This recipient and I actually have a long history.

When I was right out of high school, while going to college, I worked at Jamesway Department Store. I was a cashier. Dumbass, was the night Service Desk girl. She was an old lady then, with gray hair, that she dyed black and obviously went to the salon every Friday and had it washed, teased and sprayed into this high, towering bouffant. She then applied the reddest lipstick to her lips and drew in her eyebrows with a black pencil. With pale, white skin, abnormally, black hair and hooker, red lips, black, pointy eyebrows, she was even more annoying when you heard her screechy voice. Couple that with the fact that she was four foot tall and you have not only got your self a dumbass, you've got a royal pain in the ass.

One day, she wasn't able to operate her cash register and she was constantly hitting buttons and it was squealing at her. I kept advising her that all she had to do was hit the clear key and it would stop. She continued to hit buttons and the noise and squealing was deafening. I told her for the fifth time to hit the clear button and she just went off on me like a top. She was in my face, shaking her finger at me, screaming at me. I asked her three times, calmly to stop it. After she continued, I had no other choice. I slapped her across the face.

Seeing the bewilderment on her face was priceless. I shut her up. I don't think anyone on Earth had ever shit her up. All in all, her little episode got her demoted and I didn't even get written up. I soon became her sister-in-law's hero. She worked with us as well. She told me in the lunch room the next day that she had been dying to slap her for 36 years.

So, imagine my non-surprise, when I hear this week a current story about Dumbass. Someone asked her if she was going to go shopping on Black Friday, to which she replied "That's only for black people". Whaaa?? Is she out of her flipping mind??!? Now mind you, she is in her seventies now, but come on, she worked retail and yes her hair and makeup are still the same.

Makes me want to go back in time and slap her a second time. Dumbass!

DAOTW Award!

We had a bridal party in the salon on Friday. Everyone was there but one bridesmaid. She had to come the night before because her employer was giving her a hard time about taking time off. Seems they didn't want to give her Friday and Saturday off. Her boss actually asked her to get her hair done on Friday night so that she could work on Saturday morning.

Seriously. Get your hair done on Friday night? Ummmm, she's in the wedding, chances are she will be at rehearsal. Who the hell wants to sleep in wedding hair? I would tell you all what place she works at, but based on their turn over rate, it doesn't take people long to realize they are working for a DumbAss!

Bonus DAOTW Fonda Bruises Style!

When I first saw the news report about the woman who was robbed, then beaten because of her McCain/Palin bumper sticker, I just looked at the television in shock. Not shock of what supposedly happened to this woman. Shock because it was obvious to me, that her black eye was fake.

Listen. I know a few things about bruises, I am, however, Fonda Bruises. I have, also, given myself numerous black eyes. I can tell when you use dark purple eyeshadow and black cake eyeliner to make one. See how similar our black eyes look!

I expressed my opinion to Mr. Bruises, who agreed with me, and added that there wasn't any swelling. Then add to the fact that the "B" carved in her face was backwards, allowing you to assume that the dumbass did it to herself using a mirror.

Low and behold, it is announced that she made the story up. So, folks, we have another Dumb Ass of the Week! They are just coming out of the woodwork.

DAOTW Award!

The next recipient of the Dumb Ass of the Week Award goes to more than one person. It goes to the people that run around and say "Acrylic will ruin your nails". Okay, I exempt anyone who is not a nail technician from this award, you really don't know any better and you obviously don't have a nail tech that cares or he or she would educate you as to why this statement is false.

The Dumb Asses of the Week are the nail tchnicians that are so uneducated and unskilled that they make these ludicrous statements. Acrylic will not ruin your nails, it will not damage your nails or make them weak, neither will gel, wraps, polish, etc. Damage is human operator related.

If acrylic or any other type of nail enhancement is applied and removed correctly, your nails will be in the EXACT same condition as they were when you applied the product. Where the problem lies is when a Nail Tech uses MMA (read dental acrylic, yes what they make teeth from), which requires the shredding of the nail in order for it to bond or acid primers which will chemically etch the nail. Lastly, when people pick and chew their nails off, they just trashed them for a good six months, yet they will say that the stuff that was on their nails ruined them.

Even a good nail tech can cause damage and "weakness". Most good, legal products on the market do not require an acid primer and do not require shredding of the nails for application. Some techs, still file too aggressively on application, when they should just be lightly filing with a soft grit file to remove the shine. When they are prepping for fills, if they are experiencing a lot of lifting, they will then file too aggressively at the lifted area, thus filing into the natural nail.

Finally, when a set of nails is properly removed, by soaking in acetone, they will temporarily be dehydrated for a few days. These nails are not "weak", they just need some oil. Weak nails are not a temporary condition. If the nails were weak when you started, they will be weak when you remove, even if they were removed properly. If the nails were strong when you started, and are weak when you removed, if it is temporary, it is dehydration!!!! If they continue to be weak, they are damaged.

If you are going to a Nail Tech and he or she tells you that acrylic damages your nails, that's why she doesn't do them, find a new tech. They either tried and failed to master enhancements or they are lacking in education. Either way, he or she is a Dumb Ass of the Week!

***The Purple Pinkie is taking nominations for DAOTW Awardees. If you have anyone or any situation that you would like to nominate for this esteemed award, please email your nomination to rileyrudy@hotmail.com

DAOTW Award

Here's something new for my blog. Thanks to the idea from my friend Angie, I am going to start awarding The Dumbass of the Week Award. I think this is going to be a popular weekly entry.

The first entry goes to a special nail tech, whom I've been debating some ridiculous claims that she has. Even though I have scientific data to back up my opinions, she still is debating the issue. She also has to get in the last word ALWAYS.

Well, she decided to take it offline and get nasty with me in a private email. What she did, though, was BLOCK my email address so that I could not reply to her. What a dumbass. Who doesn't have multiple email addresses?

Congratulations for being named the first Dumbass of the Week! You know who you are!