Friday, November 5, 2010

The Question

So, for the second time ever, I was asked The Question.  It is a simple question.  An innocent question.  A dreaded question.

So, how's your Mom doing?

Both times I have been asked this question, it was people, who knew my mom and one knew of her illness.  Both didn't know that she died.  They both felt horrible and I feel awful that they felt that way.

The first time, was about a month after my mother passed.  An old, childhood friend, was home visiting and was in the salon.  She asked and I responded.  I know she felt bad and I assured her it was okay.  I was fine and it truly was a blessing.

So, time passed.  I knew I would get The Question again some day.  Tonight I did.  A previous client, who gets her nails done occasionally was in tonight and while catching up, she asked The Question.  I had no idea how much that question was going to hit me.  It's been over five months.

I got a huge lump in my throat.  I instantly felt my eyes start to tear up and my voice quivered when I told her that my mom had passed away in June.  Again, the question asker felt horrible.  Again, I assured her it was okay and told her of my surprise at my reaction.

I realized that I still, really haven't let myself totally break down.  Why?  I don't know.  Maybe I am afraid if I let the gates open, I will never be able to close them again.  I guess I just never realized how much I was going to truly, emotionally and physically miss my mom.

No comments: