Mr. Speedo 2010

This year, just like last year, the Speedos were out in full force in Punta Cana.  This year, however, I crowned TWO Mr. Speedos.  I crowed the second Mr. Speedo Hell NO and this year, there was a contestant that wore a Speedo so impressively that I had to crown him Mr. Speedo 2010.  Folks, he had at least four Speedos on this trip.  He could have had more and I just didn't see him the other three days.

Here is a little video montage that I put together.....

Here are some noteables that I got still photographs of.  First, we have Hulk Hogan.  Listen Hulk, don't you know that crack kills?

This guy needs the same advice, just say no to crack.  Seriously, if the crack of your ass is showing you need to purchase a bigger size or two.

Speedos and fanny packs?  Really?  Shouldn't that be on your fanny, not on your "package"?

Here is Mr. Bruises, totally oblivious to the awesomeness that just passed by him.

Now he finally learns and gets in on the act!  I hope someone gave that dude some sunscreen!

Okay and here is Mr. Speedo 2010!  I swear this guy could crack a nut with his buttocks!  THIS is what you should look like if you want to wear a Speedo!

We've got the blue and orange print.

The blue tie dye.

The black one, which had red stipes on the front.

And a yellow and blue print.

And now a closer look at Mr. Speedo Hell No.  I swear in the video, he paused and let me get a good, long look at him.  Trouble is, I was blinded by all of that white shit on his face. 

Until next time.......

We're Home!

Well we are home. It was an awesome trip, I think that everyone should go on vacation to paradise for their birthday even if it is just once. Mr. Bruises and I have been considering doing our vacation every year at this time, instead of right after New Years.

Once I get through all of the Speedo footage and photos, I will be posting my Second Annual Mr. Speedo post. I have a funny feeling that the judges (me, myself and I) are going to award TWO crowns this year. We will see how the voting goes.

Some observations from this trip…..Americans are polite, maybe too polite. Everyday I was amazed by the rudeness of European people. They play chicken with you in all of the walkways. You have to give way, they never will. They push right in front of you in every buffet line, actually reaching in front of you and there is never an “Excuse me” or even a smile. They sit or stand close to you, scarily invading our personal space and proceed to have a conversation in their own language that is at least three decibels too loud. I am a loud person, believe me when I say, they make me sound like I am whispering.

I think the most appalling thing I saw was a grandmother and father, who brought a child to the pool with full-blown pink eye in both eyes. He had the tapioca pudding-looking goop running down his face. He was rubbing his eyes and miserable. Of course, he was touching things with those goop-covered hands. I wonder how many people unknowingly got pink eye from those inconsiderate guardians.

Mr. Bruises wants to do a cruise next year. We will see. He has a whole year to work on me. The thoughts of being herded like cattle once again and put into a room with a toilet that won’t flush and no one caring is not appealing to me what so ever.

I can’t wait to see the Golden Boys tonight. It’s been seven days since I was double spooned by golden fur. From what you all have been telling us about home, I am sure I will welcome the extra warmth because it’s going to be a real culture shock. This is especially true since I lost my jacket in the airport on the way in. I have my winter vest, but I don’t have any shirts with sleeves!

Vacation Halfway Mark

We are at the halfway mark on our vacation.  Stupidly, I only brought one book and I read it the first day I was here.  Our resort doesn't have the awesome book swap in the lobby that the Riu had, which is where we have stayed the last two times we were here.  We realized last night that we were next door.  So......Mr. Bruises and I infiltrated the Riu Resort and raided the book swap.  Not much to choose from but I do have a book to read now.

Mr. Speedo was out again today, sunning his buns.  I was quite impressed with the fact that he had a new color on today.  I think I just may have to give hime the Mr. Speedo crown just for that fact alone.

Here he is sunning his Buns of Steel that I am sure he could crack nuts with.

I swear to God that this lady is the neighbor from Something About Mary, you know, the one with the wrinkled up boobies that suns herself all the time.  Let me tell you, she doesn't look bad from behind, especially since she's got to be about 90, but be thankful that I didn't take a photo from the front.  Yowsa!

And look!  Hulk Hogan is here too!  Someone needs to tell him to "Just Say NO to Crack!"

Finally, these three drunk people demonstrate for you why you should never drink and play in the surf!

Punta Cana - Wednesday

Well, we have settled in.  We know our way around this ginormous resort.  It's been very relaxing so far.  I actually got some things made for my Etsy Shop today.

This is the tram that takes us to the beach and back every day.  It takes us no more time to get to the beach as it did for us to walk to the beach from our other resort.

The Speedos are out in full force.  I've been collecting photos and video for the Mr. Speedo Hell No 2010 pagent.  This dude here, doesn't actually look to bad, at least he is built fairly good.  He reminds me a lot of someone from home "facewise".  Anyone want to guess who?

Here is the back view.  I think he could use just a teensy bit more material back there, but again, at least he doesn't have the saggy ass like last year's winner.

Internet is working awesome.  It's so nice to sit out on our veranda in the morning and evening blogging or catching up with all of you at home.  I hear you got some snow!  For that, I truly am sorry.  I promise to TRY to bring some warm weather home with me.

We have our first Ala Cart dinner tonight.  We get three.  Usually we eat at the buffet, but you can eat at three specialty restaurants during your stay.  Mr. Bruises is over the moon because he gets to eat at the Japanese Steakhouse tonight.  This isn't something I would normally enjoy, but I am going to suck it up for it.

It's the least I could so since he was my Speedo decoy today.  I pretended to take a lot of photos of him today while photographing Speedos.  Here, he is totally oblivious of the awesomeness that just passed him.

Now, he has finally caught on.

Oh, what would I do without Speedos on vacation?

Here We Go Steelers - Spanish Style!

While we were in Punta Cana, I was a little bummed that I wouldn't be able to see the Steeler game. Well imagine my surprise when I found it on the TV. In Spanish. I decided that I HAD to video the TV because it was so funny. I managed to pick the third quarter Heath Miller touchdown. I should have kept recording because they were just going on and on in Spanish saying Ben and Heath's name.

When we were at the airport, checking in to go home, there were seven flights leaving that day. Funny how the Baltimore and Pittsburgh flights were side by side. I just had to take a picture of that!

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!

Mr. Speedo? Hell NO!

I've seen enough Speedos to last a lifetime, ever since my vacation to Punta Cana. They were everywhere. Speedos are awful. Even when you are in shape, they look horrible.

You can see, these three guys are in fairly good shape, yet they look ridiculous in these Speedos! I guess it is nice that their upper thighs get tanned, but it's just not doing it for me.

Then you got the pudgies.

And the muffin tops.

Guys, your swim attire should never be as small as your girl's

And should never, ever, EVER be smaller!

I'm too sexy for my Speedos, too sexy for my Speedos, to sexy for my Speedos!

Then you have the "Peek a Boo, I see You" when they throw on a shirt.  Come on, put on some pants!  This is the lovely scene you see at the lunch buffet.

Then there is this guy.  His swim suit is smaller than his wife's.

Then he has to carry on a conversation with a perfect stranger, almost naked, scratching is ass.

His daughter is crying because she is scared of the Speedo!

And now for the finalists in the 2009 Speedo Hell No pageant. We have in fourth place. The front view was better, but I didn't get a photo of it.

In third place, we have the man channeling Jabba the Hut from his belly

In second place, we have The Sasquatch! 

Finally, Mr. Speedo Hell No 2009!  I have no words.  My mouth is still hanging wide open a week later.  The best part was that Mr. Bruises spotted this one and kicked me to grab the camera!