I Guess I Have Cute Feet

Those of you who are Facebook Friends with me got to enjoy the fun I had with the "Foot Fettish Dude" last night.  I think it's fair to start from the beginning and share the whole story.

Last fall, I received a phone message that Kylie took from this dude.  She was all smirky when she gave me the info.  The message said that he was looking for foot models for his company for a shoe brochure.  I called him and the conversation went pretty much like this.

ME:  Hi Zack, this is Rhonda from The Purple Pinkie returning your call.
FFD:  Hi.  Silence.
ME:  What did you want?
FFD: Um, yeah we are looking for foot models and we figure you see a lot of feet.
ME:  Foot models for what?
FFD: For pictures and stuff.
ME:  Well if you get me some information or brochures, I will be happy to give them to anyone who is inetersed.
FFD:  Okay.

I hung up perplexed.  He sounded totally unprepared.  Like he didn't have a clue.

Next thing I know, he starts texting me.

I am busy, I ignore the text.  I get another one.

When I reply, I totally missed the first text and the whole FETTISH word.  I am at the salon, I am busy, at this point I am still thinking he's legit and looking for models for a shoe catalog.  It continues......

At this point I am like are you fucking kidding me?  This guy is a perv and a freak and something is fishy.  It continues.......

So at this point, I am skeeved out and I think he's got the message.  Something tells me to save his number just in case.  So I save it in my contacts as Foot Fettish Dude.  Well, my Spidey Sense was correct because last night, he texted again.  I once again, ignored his first text, so after his second text I decided to tell him like it was.

So, not only is he a perv, he's an illiterate perv.  I don't even know if Zack Clark is his real name.  A search of his cell phone number shows that it could be either a Butler cell number or an Indiana one.  Either way, I hope this is the last of him.  

My friend Tara said if it was her, she would have met him, kicked him in the nuts, took his $200 and asked him "How do you like my feet now?"  I think that is an excellent idea.

FREAK!

Real Men Knit!

BFF Jill and Rhonda were out shopping today and they encountered a couple of male aspiring knitters.

Dumpster Diving 2010

BFF Jill and I went Dumpster Diving yesterday.  You will remember the first time that we went, we scored big.  We scored pretty good yesterday, not quite as good as the last time, but still good.  We filmed the whole fiasco this time.  Just listening to our banter makes me realize why I love this girl!  Enjoy!

How I Almost Died Yesterday

I almost died yesterday, in the shower, because of a fingernail.  Yes, that fingernail pictured to the left.  My nails are remnants of a set that I got on vacation last month.  They are the "Edge" nail, which are very pointy and look like an upside down "V" when looking down the barrel of the nail, instead of the normal half circle shape.

Anyway, I was in the shower and was washing my face with cleanser.  All of a sudden, my pinkie finger, nail and all, was entirely up my one nostril.  I must have started making some odd noises, because Mr. Bruises heard me in the kitchen and asked what was up.  As he came running in, I told hime to get me a rag.  I guess in my brain stabbing, I didn't think to use my washcloth.  He opens the shower curtain to hand me the rag and he is all "Holy Shit, what the hell did you do?"  I explain what happened.  He is white and he leaves the room.

I proceed to have the worst nose bleed of my entire life.  Blood is running down the back of my throat and it is not only coming out of my nose, I can taste it and I am spitting it.  I am dizzy and woozy and finally realize to pinch my nose and tilt my head back.  Finally, the bleeding seems to stop, but my shower now looks like the one from Psycho.

I was fine until it was time to dry my hair.  I start blowing it dry upside down to give it volume.  My nose starts bleeding again.  So, I start pinching and tilting back again.  I realize I need to blow my nose.  You can't imagine the clots of blood that I blew out.  Holy mother of God.

I am happy to report that I blew my nose this morning and there wasn't even a hint of blood.  I can't, however, get the memory of my finger sliding up my nose and my nail nearly piercing my brain out of my head.  Funny thing.....when I posted about this on Facebook, no less than a dozen nail tech friends have had it happen as well!

So men, please don't underestimate your woman's fingernails.  They really can be a lethal weapon!

Heather's Wedding

BFF Jill and I drove to Big Run, PA for Heather and Stan’s wedding, this past Saturday. Thank goodness we took Jill’s Jeep because we needed the four wheel drive. It was snowing like crazy.

We stopped in Punxsutawney, on the way, and went and saw Phil and Phyllis. They were all curled up in a ball, nice and snuggly, oblivious to the 19 degrees that it was outside. I got some stares, wearing a party dress, with a winter coat and purple UGG boots, but hey, I like to cause a scene.

So, once we are at the wedding, it is apparent that we are over dressed. Some came in jeans, flannels and camo hats. BFF Jill and I were apparently high-falutin, city folk in Jefferson County.

The highlight of the wedding reception was the fire sirens going off. Doesn’t that happen at EVERY reception? We just sat back and watched all the firemen either chug their beer or take them with them as they rushed out of the door.

I guess they need to change the sign now, huh?

It was a beautiful wedding and reception and we wish Heather and Stan a life time of happiness!

Putting the Flip to good use

Yesterday, BFF Jill, her brother in law, Brian and I took the Flip Cam out into the snow and filmed his audition video for Survivor.  We decided that his angle should be that Ford City needs a better representative on Survivor than one we had in the past.  We came up with our shots and headed out!  We had a blast filming this!  I hope Brian makes the cut!

Mr. Bruises is BRAVE!

The last week of October, Mr. Bruises came home from Fantastic Sams. I took one look at him and told him to turn around. I couldn't believe my eyes. He had a two inch tan line on his neck. The stupid bitch that cut his hair cut into his hair line 2 freaking inches! Look at him, he looks like an Amish man!

I decided then and there, that I was going to start cutting his hair. I am a nail tech, I don't do hair, however, I can do a hell of a lot better than Fantastic Sams Stupid Bitch. So, I had BFF Jill help me pick out some clippers, scissors and supplies.

About three weeks ago, I did trim "half" of what had grown in, so that he didn't have 2 inches of fuzzy on his neck, he only had one inch. Tonight, I decided that it was time to tackle cutting his hair. I conferred with BFF Jill on the phone and watched a couple of YouTube videos. I finally decided to just go for it.

Here, you can see what it looked like before I started cutting. You can see the old hair line had grown in some and the remaining one inch of fuzzy had grown in some too. Now, it was time to try to blend it all.

This is what we ended up with. It is almost all blended in. It's not perfect, but I think it looks pretty good. Mr. Bruises was happy with it as well. I may be a nail technician, and not a hair magician, but I am so not a stupid bitch and I don't work at Fantastic Sams. Just call me Fantastic Fonda!

Happy Birthday, John B. Ford!

Yesterday was Captain John B. Ford's 198th birthday! John founded Ford City, the wonderful town that I have lived my entire life in. BFF Jill and I celebrated his birthday, at the statue in the Ford City Park.















We had Red Velvet cupcakes and party hats. Boy, I am sure we put on a good show, trying to get that stupid hat on his head. Listen, I was standing on the TOP RAIL of a step stool, with the party hat taped to the end of a broom handle. Two attempts from behind were failed because, even though the hat was on his head, you could not see it from the front. Finally, after attempting from the front, we got it right.


Happy Birthday John!

Cherry Cider

A few weeks ago, BFF Jill and I took a trip to Butler. We came across a roadside fruit stand that was selling Cherry Cider. Neither of us had ever heard of cherry cider before.

I absolutely loved the glass gallon jugs that the cider was in. I hate cherries with a passion, though. BFF Jill purchased a smaller bottle. I will need to get a report on how that cider was soon!

The Truth About the Beheading...

BFF Jill and I have been working on a new video, "All you wanted to know about Ford City" for Founder's Day, which will be observed tomorrow. We released a bloopers reel earlier this week and a lot of our footage was at the John B. Ford statue in the Ford City Park. This is bringing up a lot of comments about a past "incident" with the statue.

In 2004, a group of young adults, after a night of drinking, came up with the brilliant idea of stealing the statue. Rumors went wild, that they had tried to behead the statue, that they had a rope around it's neck and were dragging it to the river to throw it in.

The town was in an uproar. The Mayor, at the time, tried to make an example of these kids. People wanted to hang them and their parents by their toenails.

A lot of people don't know some real truths about this incident. First, this wasn't the first time this happened. In the 70's, it happened and the kids involved not only got a slap on the wrist, they didn't pay ONE DIME to refurbish the statue. Charles Hanna, a local art teacher at the time, reset the statue. I remember working with Mr. Hanna at Custom Design Monuments, and he told me the story and said that he set that statue so efficiently that "No one will ever get it down again".

Well, I guess they found a way. Yes, they did knock it down and yes, they did try to steal it. They did NOT, however, try to behead it. See, the artisan that restored the statue and reset it reported that the cuts on the statue were over TWO YEARS old. This was reported, quietly, in borough meeting minutes. Most never heard this information. The newspapers never reported this, the Mayor never made a big deal out of it. So, everyone, to this day, still thinks that they tried to behead the statue. TOTALLY NOT SO.

The whole situation totally pissed me off at the time. People were LIVID at these kids, even though they paid every cent to have the statue restored AND did countless hours of community service. The kids in the 70's never even got punished at all. When people would bitch about this situation I would say to them, who can honestly say they have never gotten drunk and decided to do something stupid? If you say you have never, then you are either a liar or a saint.

To those parents who were degrading these kids AND their parents, I would congratulate them on having so much confidence in their children that they thought that they would NEVER do something stupid in their lives. I informed them that WHEN their children do, because we all know we all do stupid things in our lives, I hoped that people would have a little more compassion to them as a parent, than they were having for the parents of these kids.

Again, they got drunk, they did something stupid, they PAID to have it fixed, they DID NOT try to behead the statue and no one went out of their way to publicize this information once it was known. So here, I will do it for them.

Another Mitten Fail!

Okay, so I made a second pair of mittens, I crocheted them this time. They were awesome. Were. There were just a little too big, so I got the bright idea to shrink them a little. BFF Jill told me about felting and the yarn that I used, according to it's tag said that it is perfect for felting. So, I followed the directions for felting. This is what I ended up with. Somehow, it shrunk in the width, but stretched in the length. Holy hell, these are worse than the first pair, I can't even get my little hand in them!

I think I am just going to wear the mittens that I made a couple of years ago and give up mittens until Fall 2010.

I'm a Rebel!

Halloween night, we stopped at Sheetz on our way home. On the way in, Amanda thought it would be funny for me to pose with a box of tampons, since I was covered in blood. None of us had taken our camera into the store, so we sent Becky out to get hers.

As Becky came back into the store with the camera, the beyotch behind the counter went ape shit on us. She started screaming "You can't take pictures in here, it's against the law". Had I been not under the influence, I probably would have asked her why. Seriously, why is it against the law? What is the law? So, you can take my photo on your video cameras but I can't take an innocent photo of posing, bloody with a box of tampons? Really?

So, the next morning, I went to Sheetz. In full view of their video camera, I took a photo of the tampons from last night. The camera nazi wasn't there, I guess she is such a good employee that she ONLY gets scheduled when the drunk people are coming in. Nice.....

So take that Sheetz! I got my photo. It wasn't as much fun as it would have been the night before, but I am a rebel and I will do what I want! (said in that cocky Eric Cartman way)

Some Distributors Sell Crap

I read all of the time, how nail technicians are either new or seasoned and all of a sudden have unexplained lifting. Chances are, they are unknowingly using EXPIRED product. Most products have a shelf life of one year, however, if products are stored in optimal conditions, such as a cool, dry, dark place, they can last up to two years. No manufacturer recommends using a product after two years.

The distributorship that I frequent occasionally ALWAYS has old product on it's shelf. I've informed the clerk and manager each time, yet when I return months later it is still there. Monday, I had my camera with me. I took these photos so that I could send them to the manufacturer along with the distributor location. Something HAS to be done about this.

This batch of powder was produced on August 27, 2007. You will notice that this supports the batch number pattern. Batch S7801 means it was produced in 2007, 8th month and batch number 01. This product is over two years old.

Here is the front of the container, you will notice the OLD logo is on this.

Again another old bulk size. Production date shown is September 25, 2007. Again batch number supports this V7901 means batch was produced in 2007 in the ninth month and is batch number 01. This is important to show because the liquid bottles do not have the date on them, just the batch number.
Again, you can see the OLD logos on this container.

This is the back of a larger bottle of Moxie liquid. Note the batch number burned into the bottle. This reads, produced in 2007, seventh month, batch 01. This liquid is over two years old.

Note at the bottom where it says Art Rev. 06/09 this supports the September 2006 logo.

Front of Moxie, again, using the OLD logo.
This is the back of a larger Radical liquid. Again, the batch number reads, produced in 2007, seventh month, batch 01. This is over two years old.
Front of packaging with OLD logo.
I wanted to give an example of a good bottle, that is within it's shelf life.
I wanted to give an example of bottle that is still within shelf life. This bottle has it's batch number burned on the bottom, not the label, so it is harder to read, but you can clearly see that this was produced in 2009, in the fifth month, you just can't read the two digit batch number that follows. THIS is what you should see on the shelf.
This is the front of the bottle with the NEW logo on it. Again, this is what you SHOULD be seeing on the shelf!

So see, sometimes it is NOT the product's fault. It's NOT the nail tech's fault. The douchebag here is the greedy distributor, who is too lazy to exchange expired product for fresh product and is just selling CRAP to the unknowing nail tech.

The Tongue

I always seem to get the best photos of Riley. I just seem to have a knack for taking photos of him with his tongue out. Last night, I got this awesome shot of Riley. He was on the bed and in mid kiss. His tongue always looks so freakishly long.

Here is the original tongue photo. I took this, when Riley was very young. He was in mid-yawn. I like to call this his Gene Simmons impersonation!

Here is a more recent one, not as much tongue as usual, but still funny!

Even Travis has started to get in on the action!

One Banana

Back in June, when we were planning our annual trip to the Orlando Beauty Show, I was preparing ahead of time and was gathering shopping lists from all who were arriving after BFF Jill and I. Lynn Weber, our awesome friend from Las Vegas emailed her list. One line item stood out like a sore thumb.


1 banana- not green but not too ripe, but I like em sweet

So we had the following email conversation.

Me: Oh and you want just 1 banana or 1 bunch?
Lynn: 1 banana...and I promise I will eat it

So off BFF Jill and I go to WalMart to get the groceries. We split up the list to make the shopping go faster. Jill gets Lynn's part and immediately exclaims "One banana? Who the hell gets just one banana? Is that even allowed?" I looked at her and was all "I know! What the hell is up with that shit?"

BFF Jill went to get the ONE banana. She was totally expecting the Banana Police to come out and bust her for breaking up a bunch of bananas. Lynn Weber is a home wrecker, I tell you!

We have given Lynn shit over this since June. Just yesterday, while BFF Jill and I were shopping at Aldi's, we saw bananas that were in SEALED BAGS! We immediately thought of Lynn. I guess the Banana Police are wise to Ms. Weber's home wrecking ways and have come up with a way to keep the bunch together.

So tell me, do you buy just ONE banana or do you buy the whole bunch?

Douchebags and Cell Phones

Today, I encountered one of the biggest Douchebags in all Douchbagland. He was in line in front of me at Blockbuster Video in Butler. He approached the counter, talking very loudly on his cell phone. The clerk attempted a few times to wait on him, but he just ignored the clerk. Everyone in the store can hear his conversation. He is obviously trying to sell a vehicle that has new tires, new this and new that and is totally worth more than what is being offered. Blah, blah, blah.

My patience is running thin and the clerk is being entirely too polite. I say "If you aren't going to check out, can you please step aside?" He ignores me and the clerk, who once again attempts to wait on him. By this time there is a line behind me.

His conversation gets louder and louder until he screams, and I mean screams "I am telling you $1500 is the lowest I will accept!" That was it. I had enough. I can guarantee you that he was screaming at his wife, who talked to someone who made an offer on this douchebag's piece of shit vehicle. I said loudly, and with authority this time, "If you aren't going to check out, step aside!" No need for saying please this time. Well, this got his attention.

He never turns around, but screams at me "I am trying to check out, but no one will wait on me!" to which I yell back "They have been trying to, but you won't get off the damn phone, which is totally rude." He then screams to the person on the phone "I got to go, I just pissed some customer off" and finally hangs up the phone. I say "Dude you are being totally rude."

At this point he storms to the door. I totally think out loud at this point and say "What a douchebag". He stops at the door and looks at me and replies "You should try it." Seriously? That's all you can come up with?

You, Douchebag cell phone user, in line, screaming at your poor wife are THE Dumbass of the Week. Enjoy your title! Douche.

A Man and His Donkey

When Mr. Bruises and Tammy were in Oatman, AZ a few weeks ago, Tammy snapped this photo and shared it on Facebook. I could NOT pass up the opportunity to share it myself and have some fun with it. I t just screamed for a caption, so I challenged all my friends to come up with a caption for the photos. This is what I received!

Rhonda
A donkey and a Jackass walk into a bar......

Geo
The girls here could use a little makeup.

Tara
is that a carrot in your pocket or are you just happy to see me

Eric
In the voice of Al Pacino - GREAT ASS!!!

Jenda
Reunited after all these years, two brothers, separated at birth, have added another piece to the puzzle of their broken family...

Tracey
I see Mr. Bruises bought another pet so he's not the biggest ass in the family...

Tracey
Marriage laws at new low!!!

Hank
REGULATORS!!!! Mount up.. Or in a mexican accent, O Pancho, O Cisco!!! May be before your time.

Kelley
I'm tellin ya...it's the first time in years I've seen my a$$...

Nick aka Mr. Bruises
Great looking awsome guy makes a new friend in Oatman Az!

Jenda
(In response to Nick)Naaaahhhhh. That's really boring.

Nick aka Mr. Bruises
who made that mess in the corner of the photo?

Wendy
Ummm, is there somwhere we can go without paparazzi???

Hank
Come one come all and witness the wildest donkey show!!

Charlene
A man and his ass...............

Rhonda
See, I didn't lose my ass in Vegas!

Daniel
Which ones Nick

Daniel
OK I recognise the sun glasses... sorry buddy.

Aimee
Does my ass look big this photo?

Tammy
ohhhlala human, i like i like, what an ANIMAL!

Lambrosia
"I finally got a picture that flatters my ass!"

"One of us is an ass......"

"NASA discovers new way of amusing astronauts in orbit....film at 11"

"Ghetto booty is over-rated, but check out my sweet new ass, Man!"

"Everyone else voted for botox, but I decided to get a new ass instead."

Pati
ok I'll be the bad one..."is that a banana in your pocket...or are ya just glad to see me?"

Health Notice

Saturday, when I went to pick BFF Jill up for our shopping trip, I noticed a sign on her door. I stood there and read it, then thought to myself, "You go girl, go on with your bad self". I then took a picture and shared it on Facebook. We got a ton of comments on the photo. One of my friends, who is in the industry belongs to a mommy forum in the state of Indiana and she shared it on her forum.

Every forum has their trolls. You know the ones. They are the ones that find fault in anything that certain people type. No matter what it is. This forum is no different and this person, let's call her "Indy" has a real bug up her ass about the sign.

Here are some direct quotes from her ( I am leaving all of her spelling errors):

If I saw this posted on a salon door/window, I would never set foot in there again. I would tell anyone I ever met not to set foot in there. I think it is presumtuous and incredibly rude.

When you choose a job where you are working with the public, this is the chance you take. And, I believe it is your choice. It is not a time to alienate customers, I wouldn't think. If you don't want the flu, wear a mask. Stay home. Cut your hours. It is YOUR responsibility, not everyone elses. Alternatively, if you work with the public, you should pretty much expect to get sick. Period. If you don't wish to get all the illnesses going around, then get a job where you aren't around many people (I am only around other staff all day).

This is just so freakin rude to me. Now HERE is where I see a sense of entitlement that is not yours. Shows very poor behavior, I think. And a horrible attitude to people who pay your bills.

I know, you are all thinking that this bitch is on crack, so do we. First, we are self-employed. If we don't work, we don't get paid so cutting our hours is not an option. If we get sick, we have no sick pay, so if YOU make ME sick, I lose money. Also, all the patrons in the salon risk getting sick as well because of YOUR selfish ass. Who has a sense on entitlement here? Lastly, just because we provide a service, it does not mean you PAY MY BILLS. I owe you nothing but a safe environment to get a service. Also, as a business owner, I can refuse service for any reason. Period. Lastly, in the state of PA, it is against state board rules to provide a service when you have an infection or contagious disease AND it is also against rules to provide a service ON someone that has one.

So, BFF Jill and I created our newest video that is dedicated to this Dumb Ass of the Week from the state of Indiana. We even wrote a little jingle for her. Enjoy!

Ouch!

This is what happens when you try for thirty minutes to remove a contact lens that obviously isn't there. It must have fallen out without me noticing. I also, had just finished doing my nails. Square. It's now been two days and the eye is back to normal.

Adventures in Healthcare

Tuesday, I had an appointment to visit the "Lady" doctor. I became suspicious when I didn't receive a confirmation call. I called the office to confirm the appointment and to find out their new location, since the office had moved since I had last been in. The receptionist informed me that I had CANCELLED my appointment for that day. Well all I know is someone no-showed them because they cancelled the wrong appointment. Luckily, my appointment time was still available and I could still go in.

I arrive ten minutes before my appointment in case I have to fill out any paperwork. The is a very annoying woman in the waiting room with me that just goes on and on about how tired she is and that she's falling asleep waiting. Well, that's what happens when you smoke crack! On and on and on. Complain, complain, complain, complain. She tells the receptionist that she wants to take a walk outside to wake up, she is told that she is next. She goes out anyway. They call her name, she is not there. Fifteen minutes later she returns and is all pissed off because they called her and she wasn't there.

Next, a lady that is deaf and mute walks in and tries to communicate with the receptionist. She finally resorts in writing a message. She wants to know why the office next door isn't open. How in the hell is the receptionist supposed to know? That would be like coming in my salon and asking me why the insurance agency next door is closed. Anyway 15 minutes later, no exaggeration, the lady leaves.

By this time, I am in the waiting room ONE HOUR past my scheduled appointment. I am ready to beat the shit out of Crack Head. I'm so sleepy! I am falling asleep! I had to literally go to my happy place to keep from screaming "Quit smoking fucking crack" at her.

Finally I am called back. I actually don't have to sit and wait too long back there. Score!! I find out that I have to have a few tests and some blood work done. So, I head off for the hospital next door.

I walk in, get in line and who the hell do you think is in line in front of me? CRACK HEAD. Good lord. Guess what? She is getting blood work done too! FML

Now, I get to hear all about how she is 39 years old and may be pregnant. Oh, and her husband is dead. Blah, blah, blah. I am reaching real deep now, people.

She gets called in. Thank goodness. I am sitting there enjoying my peace and quiet. Then, the fire alarm goes off. No one seems too concerned. A few people walk past with fire extinguishers and the elevators get shut down. No one tries to evacuate anyone, so I just sit there and Crack Head is still in there getting her blood work.

I look up and who do I see coming out of the snack bar? The deaf mute lady. OMG the crazies are all following me!!!!

Fifteen minutes pass and more people show up for blood work. The alarm is still going off, it sounds like a deranged trolley bell. It's annoying.

I finally get called back. GOODIE! I get in the curtain area next to Crack Head. Apparently they have worked all this time trying to get blood out of her veins. They finally had to call in an IV team. You can tell that the two techs are ready to put a shoe in her ass.

My tech is excellent. I barely feel a pinch and he removes three vials of blood quickly and painlessly. I am on my way out in a few minutes. Crack Head, is still there, preparing to annoy more people as the evening progresses.

As I am leaving, the fire trucks are outside. I overhear that it is a "non-emergency" most likely a smoking ballast in the entry. While leaving, two more fire trucks are pulling in.

That was too much excitement in two hours. That was entirely too much crazy as well.