Friday, January 8, 2010

Finding Peace

I’ve been a bit overwhelmed by the number of responses I’ve gotten from my last post. I’ve cried a lot in the past couple of days. It’s been a long time since I cried myself to sleep. I’ve taken a lot of what you all said to heart and have done a lot of thinking. I’ve also had a few heart to hearts with others in the exact same situation and I’ve finally come to the point where I want peace.

I’ve realized that my mother is not trying to exclude me due to selfishness or with malicious intent. I think it comes down to one single thing. She doesn’t understand the consequences of her answer. When asked if she wants me notified, she replies “no”. In her mind, she knows that I am busy and that I worry. She doesn’t want me to be bothered with the small stuff. See, in her mind, this is small stuff. She doesn’t know that this is HUGE, gigantic, monstrous stuff to me. So, I forgive her and I will try to find some way to convey this to her that she will understand.

This doesn’t, however, mean that I don’t think the nursing home people are right in what they are doing with this “you don’t have a right to know if she says you don’t” bullshit. I contacted Area Agency on Aging yesterday and spoke with a nice man. He is doing some research for me because some things are just not sitting well with him. He wants to have all the legal stuff confirmed and in front of him when he confronts them for me. This is promising. I called, yesterday, desperate for some new direction, since I feel that I am still back at square one.

As I sit here days later, most of the sting has went away, but there are still a few things that bother me. One is the Director of Nursing pretty much chiding me because I didn’t notice the little, green sticker on my mother’s name plate that says “Precaution” or something to that effect. I was escorted into the room. I didn’t see her name plate. Obviously, I am not the only dumb shit, since my cousin and my mother’s friend all went into that room not knowing that we were to use PRECAUATIONS. I guess we are all dumbshits. I pretty much told her that maybe they need to educate people more on those stickers and what they mean.

Second, when I brought up the fact that all three of us were concerned that we were exposed to an infectious disease unknowingly, she ROLLED HER EYES at me. Seriously? Yes! She is pretty much treating MRSA like it is the common cold. This scares the living bejeezus out of me.

So I am moving on, trying to find peace in all of that. Once I am to the point where I know I can talk to my mother without getting emotional, I will go to see her and try to talk to her.

Thank you all for the kind words of advice and encouragement. They mean the world to me.


1 comment:

Sophie101 said...

I was going to tell you before that I don't know your Mom or anything but I wouldn't think she would be trying to purposley be selfish, etc. She probably just doesn't want to "bother" or worry you. A lot of people are like that. Even though you tell them "It's no problem", etc. they still love you and do not want to bother or worry you. I'm glad you came to terms with things. {[hugs}}