Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Rights


I learned a lot about rights today.  I learned I have the right to handle her money, to pay her bills.  I have the right to attend her Care Plan meetings and be active in her care.  I have the right to visit and sit there in silence for an hour or more.  I have the right to bring her food, treats and goodies and have them gobbled up with no thank you.  I have the right to ask questions but don't have to receive answers.

She, however, has the right to not have me know if she moved rooms in the nursing home.  She has the right to not have me know that she was hospitalized.  She has the right to not have me know that she has an infectious disease and I can enter the room with my precious heart dog and be exposed to the disease.  She has the right to refuse to take a shower and she will continue to have that right until she smells, she is then a hinderance to her roommate and at which time, the roommate has the right to make her take a shower. 

All in all, how can someone that I give so much to and have done so much for in the past have the right to exclude me.  I mean I have had to do unspeakable things for this woman, like clean out a refrigerator that was full of rotten meat and maggots and clean an apartment that had three feet of trash over every single square inch.  I did this so many times I can't remember how many.  How can this woman choose to keep her only child, her only close relative besides a cousin uninformed.  How selfish.

What?  Is this punishment?  It's not my fault she is where she is.  That is totally on her.  She is the one that totally killed her kidneys by refusing to go to the doctor or take care of herself.  I will no longer be abused.  You want independence?  You got it.  You are on your own girl.  Good luck with that.

That.  That right there is MY right.

6 comments:

onyxkeeper said...

oh rhonda.........i am sooooo sad for you. i can hear your pain in your words.
no......its not fair, but its what you do to keep your mind at ease. to know you did the best you could.
i hope that nick is holding you up and giving you lots of hugs.

heres on from me, too.

ProBeautyGirl said...

Rhonda my heart breaks for you. You will get back in the ring because you love her and that;s what you do. You are too wonderful a daughter to do any less.

Pati said...

Rhonda.... what a sad story! All I can say is it sounds like she might not be of total sound mind... and don't allow something you do today to haunt you in years to come. I totally understand where you are coming from...I, too have conflicts like this with my Mother. My Dad was great....never selfish or hurting..to me anyway...after he passed away I felt very bad over something that had happened a few years before. I got over it (and so did he way before he died) but at times it still gnaws away at me. I force myself to remember this when I deal with my Mom....good luck honey..I am sorry you are hurting...

YD, sometimes with Samantha and June said...

I am sorry to hear. It it NOT fair but maybe in her own way she is punishing herself and by shutting you out, she is punishing herself. Who knows...

robind said...

Oh Rhonda, I am so sorry. My heart is breaking reading your post. Do not be hasty in your decision making. Unfortunately, we sometimes hurt the most the ones we love the most. She is frustrated, and beaten by where she is today and she is reacting by taking it out on you. I've been there - dealing with aging parents is not a comfortable or pleasant task. We are all here if you need an ear - we may be miles apart but we are still family and there aren't alot of us left. Hang in there kiddo and know that I am praying for all of you and hope that this improves with time. A hug for you - I'll be thinking about you.

The Purple Pinkie said...

Thank you all so much. I am working on it, dealing with it and trying to find some peace. I have a new blog post up.

I love you all!

R