Christmas Without Her

This is my first Christmas Eve without my mom.  I grew up in a broken family.  My parents divorced before I was two years old.  My mother always allowed my father and his family to have Christmas Day with me.  I always had Christmas Eve with my Mom and Grandma.  It was great!  I got to open my presents on Christmas Eve around midnight.  I got TWO visits from Santa!

As I grew up and my Father disappeared from my life, I started spending Christmas Day with some of my friend's family and then eventually with Nick and his family.  The Christmas Eve with Mom tradition was always a given.

This year, I just find myself so sad.  I am going to go today and light one of her eternity candles, but it's not the same.  I am trying to remember the good times, but all I can think about is last Christmas Eve and all the crap that was going on at the nursing home and it just pisses me off that that is the last Christmas I got to spend with her.

My Mom loved Christmas.  She decorated like there wasn't a tomorrow.  Every year, she would decorate her tree differently.  She crocheted snowflakes one year, then the next year pastel snowflakes, then the next year she crocheted angels and hearts.  Each year totally different.  I never inherited that from her.  I really don't like the holidays.  Someone said this morning that they don't either that all they bring is disappointment and rejection and that is how I feel.  Yes, my mother made sure the holidays were nice for me, but there were just some things she couldn't fix.  She couldn't make someone love me or want to spend time with me when he didn't.  Here I am, 43 years old and still suffering that same disappointment and rejection.  Why do I care?  I don't know.  All I know is the one parent that loved me and thought the world of me and would have done anything for me, is gone.

So, I am going to try to get through this day, with a smile on my face and try to remember my mother when she was the most happy, loud, boisterous woman.  She was me times 10.  That's what I will focus on, not the small, frail, weak, soft spoken woman that she ended up being in the end.  I will hug my dog tight, knowing that if she was here, she would be doing the same.  I will light that candle and I will always love my Mom and I will always miss her the most on Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas Mom.

Happy St. Nick Day!

Today is St. Nick Day and today I am really thinking of my mother.  Up until I was 21 years of age, St. Nick visited my house.  Sometimes, I wouldn't have a clue that it was St. Nick Day until I went to go out of the door to go to school and would nearly trip over a bag of goodies.  Sometimes I would go to put on my shoes and find money in them.

The goodie bags usually had candy bars, Bubble Yum (which was a hot commodity back them) oranges and walnuts.  All the goodies were in a brown paper sack that was twisted closed at the top.  As I got older and stopped believing in Santa, I also questioned who St. Nick really was.

My mother swore that it wasn't her, yet I reminded her that she would never let me eat things from strangers.  I thought for awhile that she may have invested in the help of my Great Aunt Marg.  I really don't know.  My mother never admitted doing it.

I am almost certain it was my mom.  It had to be.  And she never forgot.  Neither will I.

Happy St. Nick Day!  May you find some money in your shoe!

Giving Thanks

So today is Thanksgiving.  So many people are giving thanks to all the things they are thankful.  Today, I woke up, not really thankful for anything.  To me, this has been one of the worst years of my life.  I blame it totally on the fact that I didn't eat pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day.  I will not be making that stupid mistake again.

I mean seriously.  2010 has brought me a lot of heartache and sadless.  I had to fire not one but two employees this year.  I am still trying to reach around to remove the giant butcher knives that were stabbed deep into my back.  I've had more than my share of run-ins with the nursing home and the IRS concerning my mother.  My mother died.  I got jacked around by an attorney for seven months and finally got things straigtened out.  My sweet little Chip died.

After thinking of all of this, and feeling sorry for myself, I realized, it's really not that much.  Yes, I lost my mom, but there are so many others that are having a much shittier year.  So I decided to pull up my big girl panties and think of all that I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I have the most amazing dogs that have the ability to make me feel better just by looking at them.  I am thankful for a best friend that just seriously gets me.  Despite an 11 year age difference, we are so alike and in tune, it's scarey.  I am thankful for my Aunts Robin and BJ.  I can always see my mother's face in Aunt Robin's eyes and hear a smidge of mom's voice in hers. 

I am thankful for a job that allows me to laugh, be creative and have fun.  I am thankful to work with two of the best gals that anyone could ask for.  They are loyal, they are hard workers and most of all, they put up with my menopausal mood swings.  They deserve an award for that alone.

I bet you thought that I was going to forget Mr. Bruises.  I am thankful for him.  He annoys the ever, loving shit out of me a great deal of the time, but what husband doesn't do that?  I am thankful that he lets me live my life and doesn't try to control me like other husbands.  He puts up with my love of animals and my borderline hoarding habits.  In turn, I put up with Glenn Beck and Fox News.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  Be thankful for what you have instead of feeling bad about what you don't have.

Charlotte?

About two weeks ago, I noticed a spot, on the kitchen wall, near Jeffrey, the turtle's  tank.  Since this was also near the kitchen garbage can, I thought maybe it was a food splatter, or one of the dog's eye boogers.  Yes, we have pets and we deal with eye boogers and shedding.  We don't mind.

Upon closer inspection, I realzied it was a tiny spider.  Little spiders don't really freak me out.  I will scream like a mad woman when a spider the size of my wrist is on my coat sleeve, though, but that's a whole other story for another time.

So I thought, it must be dead, so I blew on it and it quickly became alert.  I thought it was odd that it was on the wall and fully expected it to move back to it's web.  Well it didn't.  It's still there.  It lives on my kitchen wall.

I always thought that spiders lived in webs, which are usually in the corners of the wall or ceiling.  Not this spider.  It hangs out on the kitchen wall.  I wonder how it's eating, I don't see any trace of a web on the wall.

So then, I started wondering if this spider is like Charlotte.  Is it conversing with my animals?  If so, what do they talk about.  Me?  Obviously, since the spider doesn't seem to be skittish.  It's like the spider was told that this is a safe haven for all God's creatures.  That is, until you get really big, then you have to live in the garage.

Friendship

Friendship. Loyatly. Trust. Those all go hand in hand. I am a very loyal friend and I like to think that I am trustworthy as well. If I am your friend, I will defend you to the death. I have many people, in my life that I consider friends. Some are a different level of friends, like BFF Jill, she's my ultimate friend. She is who I would call if I was dying. She is who I vent to. She is who I could tell my deepest, darkest secret to and I know that she would never sell me out. She also, is who would help me bury a body if needed. Just kidding, just wanted to make sure you were reading and not skimming.

When you betray my friendship. That's it. Game over. There really are no second chances. If you don't have loyalty or trust, then you don't have friendship.

There was a person in my life, previously, who I considered a good friend. Well that friendship was betrayed. There was lying. There was deceipt. There was a lot of other stuff. I severed the relationship, however, I still wanted to be amicable. I had every intention of wanting the friendship to end "friendly". No, she was no longer in my "Circle of Trust" but I didn't want hard feelings and I didn't want animosity. Life is too short.

As months went on, I started hearing the absurd things that she was saying about me. Accusing me of doing such stupid stuff that is so trivial. My life doesn't revolve around getting revenge, holding grudges, etc. She assumed it did. She assumed a lot of things and she talked about it. Lots. Well, I know a lot of people and lets just say, everything ever said about me, came back to me.

Recently, she told someone that she feels bad how things went down between us and said we just don't get along now. Well, who's fault is that? I did everything I could to make things end friendly.

So, when you look around, and you realize that you have no friends. Not one girlfriend, maybe you will realize that you had a true friend at one time. Someone who remembered your birthday. Sent you flowers. Brought you things back from trips. Listened to your problems, gave you advice.  What do you have now? That's what I thought.

I, am blessed with a lot of wonderful ladies in my life that I consider true friends. The vast amount of close frienships that I have is all the proof to me that I know how to be a true friend. A loyal friend. A trustworthy friend. Some could learn from our friendships.

The Question

So, for the second time ever, I was asked The Question.  It is a simple question.  An innocent question.  A dreaded question.

So, how's your Mom doing?

Both times I have been asked this question, it was people, who knew my mom and one knew of her illness.  Both didn't know that she died.  They both felt horrible and I feel awful that they felt that way.

The first time, was about a month after my mother passed.  An old, childhood friend, was home visiting and was in the salon.  She asked and I responded.  I know she felt bad and I assured her it was okay.  I was fine and it truly was a blessing.

So, time passed.  I knew I would get The Question again some day.  Tonight I did.  A previous client, who gets her nails done occasionally was in tonight and while catching up, she asked The Question.  I had no idea how much that question was going to hit me.  It's been over five months.

I got a huge lump in my throat.  I instantly felt my eyes start to tear up and my voice quivered when I told her that my mom had passed away in June.  Again, the question asker felt horrible.  Again, I assured her it was okay and told her of my surprise at my reaction.

I realized that I still, really haven't let myself totally break down.  Why?  I don't know.  Maybe I am afraid if I let the gates open, I will never be able to close them again.  I guess I just never realized how much I was going to truly, emotionally and physically miss my mom.

Trick or Treat

So, Wednesday was Trick-or-Treat in the Ford City area.  I finished up at the salon at 7:00 and headed down to BFF Jill's Salon to help pass out treats. 

I was greeted by this sign.  Teens in no costume is a big pet peeve of Jill's.  Hey, if you have a costume on, cool!  This is even despite the fact that Trick-or-Treat is for 12 year olds and under. 

We heard of a lady who solved her disgust of teens coming with no costumes, smoking cigarettes, while they are TOTing and never say thank you.  She saved all year.  Ketchup packs. From Wendys, McDonalds, you name it.  When those kids came to her door, that is what she gave them!  GENIOUS!!  They had no clue, either!  Can you imagine their surprise at the end of the night when they check out their loot!

So, next pet peeve on BFF Jill's list is tiny babies, either in strollers or being carried around and the adult has a bag and expects a treat.  So, are you telling me that the baby eats that candy?  Um no..............the adult does.   We all love to look at little ones in costume, but is it necessary to give them candy that they can't eat?  To solve this problem for next year, BFF Jill is purchasing a case of baby food and will be giving that to babies under a year old.  GENIOUS!!

Now, my pet peeve is the mothers that are taking their kids TOTing and dressed in costume as well.  I have no problem with this except for when these costumes are obviously stippers or hookers.  I am telling you I have never seen so many ass cheeks.  Roller Derby is more modest than TOT night was.  I am talking tiny booty shorts, with ruffles and ass hanging out with a tail back there with a Madonna bra on and nothing else.  First of all, what the fuck are you?  Madonna with a tail?  A stripper with a tail.  What is up with this tail?

To solve this, next year, I will be handing out clothes to these hoochies.  See, between three of us, we have solved all of the issues!

Tonight is the annual, getting dressed up and going out night.  I am not all about dressing like a slut on Halloween, I am all about dressing Scary.  Remember last year?  Carrie.  I won Scariest Costume.  This year is Medusa.  Will I out due myself?  We will see!

Happy Birthday Travis

Well, today is little Kissy Face's birthday.  Yes, my Travis is three years old today.  I can't believe it's been three years.  He has really turned into an exceptional dog.  He is attached to my hip.  I could get up and go to another room every five minutes all day long and he would follow me each time.

He is a bed hog.  He is still very vocal, making exasperated groans when he lays down and makes roo roo noises when he yawns.  He still counter surfs, but only when Daddy is cooking.  He likes to steal his buns when he is out grilling.

He's my coffee buddy in the morning.  He's my snuggle bunny at night.  He is my fierce protector, keeping me safe from UPS trucks, the garbage truck, squirrels, bunnies, birds any anything else he has decided is not worthy of my time.  He's my little daredevil, but most of all, he's mine.

Happy Birthday Travis, Travee, Kissy Face, Little T, T-Rex, and all the other bazillion nicknames you have!

Miss Rudy and Chip

While looking at my blog today, remembering Chip, I recalled how Chip came into our lives about a month before Miss Rudy our guinea pig went to the Rainbow Bridge.  She was nearly seven years old, they usually live to be about five.  I remember thinking that Chip was a gift from God, to help us through losing Rudy.

Imagine my surprise when I read my blog post about her passing.  I realized that Chip passed away two years to the day that Rudy did.  WOW.  Chip is buried right next to Rudy in the same peaceful spot.  I am sure that they are together again, on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, along with all of our other fur babies, who have made the crossing through the years.  Look out for each other girls!

My Sweet Chip

I had a great weekend getaway with friends this weekend.  When I came home, called to Chip, like I normally do, however, this time she did not come to greet me by climbing as high as she could and shaking the cage to try to get my attention.  I thought maybe she was asleep, so I tried waking her up.  Nothing.  Then I thought that maybe she had somehow gotten out.  Nope, checked the cage for any sign of escape and nothing.

I called Mr. Bruises to see when the last time he saw her.  He mentioned that she wasn't up this morning running on her wheel like normal and thought maybe she was taking a nap.  The last time I saw her was early Saturday morning before I left to meet with my friends.

I found her, all curled up under her hollow log.  It looks as though she went to sleep and never woke up.  She looked comfy and peaceful.  I am heartbroken.  I expected to enjoy her company for many more years.

I will be honest, I've never researched how long they live.  I also, don't know if she had any issues that wouldn't allow her to live longer either.  The way I look at it, she was supposed to die September 10, 2008.  That was the day that I found her as a baby, soaking wet in the middle of the road.  I scooped her up, took her home and somehow nursed her back to health.  She lost half of her tail somehow, but she seemed to be thriving through these last two years.

I have a new respect and love for these creatures after sharing my home with on for over two years.  She wasn't like a hamster, up all night.  She was like us.  She got up at 7:00 in the morning and she went to bed at 7:00 at night.  In those 12 hours that she was out and about, she ran on her wheel constantly.

When we first got her, she was in a smaller cage and she had a hamster wheel.  She used to get that thing going so fast that she would shoot out of it.  Here's a video that I shot that always cracks me up when I watch it.

For her first Christmas, she got a new, bigger wheel.  She escaped for the first time that day as we were trying to put the wheel in her cage.  We had her in the living room in a huge bird cage with lots of branches and logs for her to climb on.  Each time I would clean her cage, I would not only remove all of her stash of nuts and things that she was storing, but I would move her branches all around.  I felt that it kept life interesting for her.

She was a part of the family.  Travis loved to look at her.  Mr. Bruises shared his breakfast bananas with her.  I would call her name all of the time just to see her react to my voice.

Wow, this just really sucks.  I had no clue our time was going to be so short and I miss her already.

God speed, sweet Chip.

What is a Discount Salon?

Okay, I’ve already told you “MY” definition of what a NSS (Non-Standard Salon) is, now I want to touch on what a Discount Salon is. Discount Salons CAN fall into the category of NSS as well, but some of them don’t.

A true Discount Salon is actually using legal product, providing a service in a clean and safe environment all while operating under the proper licensing. They do not require appointments and their goal is to provide as many services as they can fit into their workday. Even though they charge less, they make money due to the volume of people that they do.

There are a number of things that are a downfall to a consumer that patronizes a Discount Salon. First, they are herded like cattle. Sometimes they are passed from technician to technician, each performing a certain part of the service. There is usually no personal interaction. The nails are usually okay, nothing that will take your breath away, since they are being done really quick, they usually look like a “Chicklet”. Or a duck’s behind because they flare out so bad at the end.

Most Discount Salon really aren’t that inexpensive either. They usually charge you ala carte. They charge you extra to shorten your nails, if you want a shiny top coat, if you want air brushing, if you want glitter top coat. You usually will not be able to get colored acrylic or glitter acrylic in a Discount Salon either. Their goal is quick and fast, using the least amount of product that is inexpensive to them.

Now, combine a NSS salon and Discount and you have a disaster waiting to happen. Quick, cheap, poorly done nails added with no sanitation or disinfection, rings of fire on the nail bed from the shredding of your natural nail with their DREMEL tool because they don’t know that it is a WOODWORKING tool and they don’t know how to use it properly. Add all that up. Is it really worth that $20 set of nails, a $12 fill or a $16 pedicure?

When you come to a salon like The Purple Pinkie, you WILL pay more, however, you are paying for the following:

A clean and safe environment
A friendly staff that will talk to you and wants to get to know you
A staff and salon that is properly licensed and proudly displays those licenses
A staff that is properly trained and attends continuing education classes regularly
A staff that attends major beauty shows to stay on top of the trends
A staff that will answer ANY question about any procedure or product that we use
A staff that is trained how to use an electric file safely and properly
Tools and pedicure tubs that are properly sanitized and disinfected
Products that are of good quality and legal to use
Nails that are applied so that they are strong, but flatter your hands
Colored acrylics and glitters and art like you can’t imagine

Aren’t you worth all of that? We think you are!

The meaning of a NSS - Non-Standard Salon

A NSS - Non-Standard Salon is just that, a salon that does not follow standard policies and procedures. Some seem to think that this is a racial thing because let's face it, the large majority of these salons are Asian owned and operated. There are plenty of White NSS salons, African Amercian, Irish, Italian, etc., but the majority of them are the Asian salons.


The term "Chop Shop" has been used for some time to describe these salons. Asians take offense to this term because they believe this is a racial slap at them because of the fact that they eat "Chop Suey" or something to that effect. Listen, when people call NSS Salons Chop Shops, they do so because these places are hacking the shit out of your natural nails. They use an illegal product MMA (Methyl Methacrylate - aka dental acrylic), which in order for it to adhear to your natural nails, you have to SHRED the natural nail, you then have to put on an ACID primer. In my opinion, your nails are trashed before they even put the MMA on them. So the reference Chop Shop is meaning you are chopping the shit out of the nails, you are shredding them, you are destroying them. Period.

Our job as Nail Technicians is to ENHANCE the natural nail not destroy it. It is also our job and responsiblility to follow rules and laws and provide a safe and sanitary environment for people to receive services.

Some people confuse Discount Salons for NSS or Chop Shops. This is not always the case. You can charge a minimal fee, do walk-ins only and do a large volume of clients all while using legal product, following rules and laws and providing them in a clean and safe environment. A lot of Asian salons fall into this category as well.

So, I just thought I would give you MY definition of a NSS or a Chop Shop. Here are things that I consider to be traits of one:

Using MMA (Methyl Methacrylate - aka dental acrylic)
Practicing without a license
Hiring technicians without a license
Not practicing proper Sanitation and Disinfection practices
Not following State and Federal laws and regulations
Dirty, filthy salons
Reusing sanding bands on clients, even after cutting them
Reusing any "disposable" item like orangewood sticks that cost pennies
Not properly cleaning and disinfecting whirlpool pedicure chairs
Not using an electric file properly and creating rings of fire on the nailbed
Lying to the public or deliberatly trying to deceive them into thinking they are getting something else

These are just a few off the top of my head. The NSS term and Chop Shop are not racial. They can apply to ANY salon. I think it's time that everyone stop being so damned sensitive about everything. Everyone takes offense to the littlest things anymore and it's really getting out of hand. No pun intended.

Censorship at it’s Finest

So, I’ve been a reader and commenter at Kittanning Paper for awhile now. The whole Elderton High School reopening issue has been a hot topic for awhile now. We have been asking the KP to put up a poll asking if people supported the decision to reopen a school that will graduate 29 students. There have been polls before, asking what your favorite cinema is and crap like that. When we first requested it, we were told they didn’t want to put up a poll until after the lawsuit. Well the lawsuit came and went and still no poll.

Recently, EHS supporters have again, been beating the dead horse that is:

“69.92% of the Elderton attendance area taxable inhabitants signed the petitions to seceed and equated the notarized and legal signatures to be 2899.”

So, that equates to almost 7% of the approximately 42,000 taxpayers in the Armstrong School District, who want EHS open (and 93% that do not). In fact that 7% is probably significantly lower at this point since Kittanning Township Elementary was sold down the river. Isn’t it funny how “Community” schools are only appropriate in certain “communities”?

So, we took it upon ourselves to create an unbiased poll, where people can only vote once (You may think you are voting more than once, but those extra votes are kicked out and reported to me as a skipped question). We posted the link to the post on the KP and it was removed. I have had a back and forth with the Editor of KP and it is obvious that we disagree about business practices. Seems he wants us to pay for advertising if we want to post links on his blog. Nice.

So, I would like to give my opinion that the KP is biased. Plain and simple. If it is pro-HERO or pro-EHS, it’s all good. If it is the opposite, get out your checkbook.

Seriously, what is so hard about putting up a poll? The only reason anyone would be afraid to is because they fear the result of the poll.

I would like to invite all of my Armstrong County readers to join me in a BOYCOTT of any advertiser in the KP. By advertising in this paper, you are, whether you know it or not, advocating censorship, plain and simple.

Please also, if you are an ASD taxpayer, please take our poll. No matter what side you are on, your opinion matters!

Someone raped the Pimp Van!

So, the plan was for the boys to go to the River's Casino tonight and Tammy and I would ride with them and they would drop us off at the Steeler game and we could then partake in some brewskies at the game.  That called for the Pimp Van!  Mr. Bruises went to the storage facility last night to get the Pimp Van and when he went to start it up he noticed something was wrong.

Some fucking douchebag scaled a 12 foot wall, broke into the unit and then cut of the catalytic converter!  OMG can you belive some people?  My Pimp Van was raped, truly raped, unlike Ben's accusers.

The Pimp Van is much loved by the GNO Girls and the Casino Boys.  We have a lot of history together and I am sure all who love the Pimp Van are just as pissed off as I am now!  The photo is of a recent Christmas shopping trip we took in the Pimp Van.

I hope you enjoyed your heroin that you bought with the money you got from selling the part, you douchbag Pimp Van rapist!

My First Steeler Game

This 43 year old girl is going to her first Steeler game. That's right, I've been a Steeler fan since the 1970's when I rocked my Lynn Swann shirt to Catholic School and knew the Pittsburgh Polka by heart and would sing it on command for anyone. Despite my father having season tickets, I've never gotten to go to a game. We actually had tickets for a playoff game in 1978, but the parential unit partied too much the night before and was still passed out at kickoff.

I am taking Tammy to the game with me, she is pet sitting for us when we go to the beach in a few weeks and I thought it would be a nice reward for her. Personally, I think 7 days with Riley and Travis is worth it's weight in gold, but hey, I like to over compensate. Mr. Bruises seemd a little put out that I didn't ask him, but come on, the dude doesn't even like football and it's the Steelers!!!

Now, we are in the nosebleed section, in peanut heaven and we are in the end zone, but hey, we really don't care, it's all about the experience. AND, we are in row A, so that means we are in the front row!

So, when I first got the tickets (Thanks Becky!) I was so giddy! It was the following day that I realized that I may not see Ben play and that bummed me a little. Now, I am reading that he may play, so I am holding out that he does take some snaps today.

Yes, I am a Ben supporter. I really don't care if you are not. Someone posted on the Steeler Nation FB page today something to the effect that if that was one of his daughters, he would put a foot in Ben's ass. Well I responded that if that was one of his daughters he should have the other foot in HER ass as well because lets face it, she is not innocent either. When you are underage, in a bar with a button on that says "DTF" and will tell anyone that asks what it means (Down to Fuck)then you are not a sweet, little, innocent, college girl who was taken advantage of.

I can tell you, I've been really intoxicated in my life especially in my twenties. Drunk off of my ass. I can tell you though that never, one time, was I not in control. I never put myself into a situation where I had to say no and if I did then that was it.

I am not saying that Ben is a saint. Yes, he can be an asshole. Yes, he is a douchebag. Yes, he is a jerk at times, but is he a rapist? No. If he was a rapist he would be charged with rape. Now don't start the whole, the DA was bought off, that is one hundred percent BULLSHIT. As a DA it is your job to prosecute a crime. There are so many people that could blow the whistle on him. Fact is, the evidence is there, he did not commit a crime. I've read the transcripts.

Personally, I feel that these girls, who claim to be raped, yet there is no evidence to support such crime, are a slap in the face to the women in this world that were truly raped. Some of these women are so afraid to come forward and yet these attention whores make it known to anyone who will listen. We've come so far, yet you now take us so many steps backward.

So today, I will be cheering for number 7 and I hope that other will do the same. I also hope that he knows he has to do things differently from now on. He needs to do what the others do. Hire a hooker. You don't pay a hooker for sex, you pay them to go away. For all that he's paid in legal fees, he could have a high priced hooker at his beck and call 24/7/365.

Here we go Steelers, here we go!!!

Promises to Myself

• I promise to continue to try to find the good in people.
• I promise to realize that some people, just don't have an ounce of good in them and move on.
• I promise to not allow others to affect my attitude and day.
• I promise to not let people who tell lies bother me.
• I promise to not concern myself with people who believe lies.
• I promise to not allow people to take advantage of me.
• I promise to continue to help others who really need it and who really appreciate it.
• I promise to not dwell on the past and to look positively to the present and future.
• I promise to not allow anyone to become an emotional vampire in my live.
• I promise to distance myself from emotional vampires.
• I promise to not let anyone make me feel insignifigant.
• I promise to try to make everyone around me smile.
• I promise to make people belly laugh.
• I promise to help animals in any way, when they need it.
• I promise to try to not become a hoarder and keep my spare bedroom uncluttered.
• I promise to try to become healthier.
• I promise to not allow little things to bother me.
• I promise to always speak my mind, especially about things that I feel that are wrong.
• I promise to always provide a solution when I express my opinion about something I feel that is wrong.
• I promise to protect and defend what is mine and what I've worked hard for.
• I promise to try to clean up my trucker mouth.
• I promise to be more patient with others.
• I promise to have a blast on vacation in 30 days!

Pittbsurgh Zoo with Dawson!

In the summer months, BFF Jill has Dawson every Monday.  Sometimes, I get invited to go do fun things with them.  Yesterday, we all went to The Pittsburgh Zoo. 

We had a ball!!!

The lion was in rare form, he was very vocal!

It seemed as though everyone was feeling lovey dovey at the zoo.  The monkeys were monkeying around.....

The penguins were in love......

And the otters were just a cuddling away!

It was too hot for the Kodiak bear, he was napping.

One of the baby elephants was out and was getting frisky with a log!

The baby giraffe was out and we got to see one of the amazing adults.

The aquarium was amazing as usual.  I think it's my favorite part!

This little beaver was carrying two pieces of wood for his dam, he was a worker!

The seals are always entertaining.  This mouthy one bent his head backwards over the water spray!

BFF Jill got up close and personal with Monty the Python, part of the animal education team.

All in all, it was an awesome day and I think we wore Dawson out.  Just look at that Slurpee smile!

What is a Father?

A father isn't just someone who fertilizes an egg.  A father is someone who nurtures their child, loves their child unconditionally, teaches and guides their child to grow up to be responsible adults.  A father gives a child a moral compass.

My father was actually my mother when you consider these things.  My mother was there for me from the moment I took my first breath until the moment she look her last breath.  My mother lived her life for me.  I wanted for nothing.  Sometimes I sit and think, how did she do it?  I am sure my grandmother helped a lot.

When I got married, my mother gave me away.  She earned that right.  People think that my father is deceased.  He isn't.  He's alive and he lives close by, however, I really don't seem to have a relationship with him.

When I was young, I would see him during visitations.  Most of the time, he would pick me up, take me to my grandparents then come back a few days later and take me home.  Later, when he remarried, I did stay with them, but the majority of my quality time was spent with my step-mother, who I love like a sister to this day.  I remember her coloring with me and making sure I had my favorite snacks.

When I got older, I stopped idolizing the man, who never seemed to show much interest in me.  See, my mom never said a word, she let me figure things out for myself.  I am sure it must have hurt her to see how much I put this man up on a pedestal and how time and time again, he would either ignore me or just disappear from my life.  I really don't think that he even knows when my birthday is.

He had a son with my first step mother and Nick, my brother, and I stay in touch.  He has three beautiful children that I love more than I can ever say.  When his second child was born in 2006, I wanted to see the baby.  They were all coming to visit my father and I went to his house to see the baby.  He resides with his current partner.  When I walked into their home, it was one of those homes with a large stairway and the wall going up the stairs was lined with photos, lots and lots of photos.  Of kids.  I am certain that there wasn't one photo of me.  I was the kid that didn't exsist again.

Before my mother passed away, I last saw my father in November of 2006, when my cousin, who was like a father to me passed away.  At that time, he promised me that he would stay in touch.  I never heard a thing from him until he showed up at the funeral home when my mother passed away.  I was very surprised to see him there.  I felt comfort and akward at the same time.  Someone overheard him tell my brother that he was really going to make an effort to keep in touch this time.

I am not holding my breath.  I learned years ago that the only person you can count on is yourself.  Let's face it.  You can never miss what you never had.

Happy Father's Day, Mom,  I love you!