Friday, October 23, 2009

Adventures in Healthcare

Tuesday, I had an appointment to visit the "Lady" doctor. I became suspicious when I didn't receive a confirmation call. I called the office to confirm the appointment and to find out their new location, since the office had moved since I had last been in. The receptionist informed me that I had CANCELLED my appointment for that day. Well all I know is someone no-showed them because they cancelled the wrong appointment. Luckily, my appointment time was still available and I could still go in.

I arrive ten minutes before my appointment in case I have to fill out any paperwork. The is a very annoying woman in the waiting room with me that just goes on and on about how tired she is and that she's falling asleep waiting. Well, that's what happens when you smoke crack! On and on and on. Complain, complain, complain, complain. She tells the receptionist that she wants to take a walk outside to wake up, she is told that she is next. She goes out anyway. They call her name, she is not there. Fifteen minutes later she returns and is all pissed off because they called her and she wasn't there.

Next, a lady that is deaf and mute walks in and tries to communicate with the receptionist. She finally resorts in writing a message. She wants to know why the office next door isn't open. How in the hell is the receptionist supposed to know? That would be like coming in my salon and asking me why the insurance agency next door is closed. Anyway 15 minutes later, no exaggeration, the lady leaves.

By this time, I am in the waiting room ONE HOUR past my scheduled appointment. I am ready to beat the shit out of Crack Head. I'm so sleepy! I am falling asleep! I had to literally go to my happy place to keep from screaming "Quit smoking fucking crack" at her.

Finally I am called back. I actually don't have to sit and wait too long back there. Score!! I find out that I have to have a few tests and some blood work done. So, I head off for the hospital next door.

I walk in, get in line and who the hell do you think is in line in front of me? CRACK HEAD. Good lord. Guess what? She is getting blood work done too! FML

Now, I get to hear all about how she is 39 years old and may be pregnant. Oh, and her husband is dead. Blah, blah, blah. I am reaching real deep now, people.

She gets called in. Thank goodness. I am sitting there enjoying my peace and quiet. Then, the fire alarm goes off. No one seems too concerned. A few people walk past with fire extinguishers and the elevators get shut down. No one tries to evacuate anyone, so I just sit there and Crack Head is still in there getting her blood work.

I look up and who do I see coming out of the snack bar? The deaf mute lady. OMG the crazies are all following me!!!!

Fifteen minutes pass and more people show up for blood work. The alarm is still going off, it sounds like a deranged trolley bell. It's annoying.

I finally get called back. GOODIE! I get in the curtain area next to Crack Head. Apparently they have worked all this time trying to get blood out of her veins. They finally had to call in an IV team. You can tell that the two techs are ready to put a shoe in her ass.

My tech is excellent. I barely feel a pinch and he removes three vials of blood quickly and painlessly. I am on my way out in a few minutes. Crack Head, is still there, preparing to annoy more people as the evening progresses.

As I am leaving, the fire trucks are outside. I overhear that it is a "non-emergency" most likely a smoking ballast in the entry. While leaving, two more fire trucks are pulling in.

That was too much excitement in two hours. That was entirely too much crazy as well.

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