Reality

Is anyone's life anything like they thought it would be when they were a kid. I am no where near what/where I thought I would be.

I never thought I would still be living in Pennsylvania. I've always wanted to live in California. I guess the time I spent there as a baby got into my blood. My biggest regret in life is not going.

I hate where I live. I think the main reason is the people I live around. Actually, that's not true, it's one person I live around. I don't even know his name. We just call him "Get Over Here Guy" because that is all you ever hear is him screaming that to his poor beagle. This man is constantly in my yard. I can't go outside to relax because he is there. I can't walk my dogs in peace because he is there. He seems to think that he is our landscaper, he uses my father in law's mower and lately, has been mowing all of our lawns three times a week. He blows grass and leaves into my pond. I hate him.

He rents from my FIL. Neither my FIL or Mr. Bruises are concerned about him. I am the one that has to deal with him the most. Yesterday, he was shooting a gun behind my house. That is so dangerous not only for me but for my animals. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I never would have thought when I was young, that I would be in my 40's and not have a mother figure in my life. I always thought I would have my mom with me. Yes, she is still alive, but she is not my mother any longer. She is gone, I've dealt with it, but it still hurts and I still miss her so much. I visit weekly and try to not long for the past.

I wished I had a husband that had time for me. He spends so much time working and helping others, mainly my FIL that I always come last. He does everything for his father. I am left to do everything in our home. We can't go here or there because he can't get off of work or he has to work for his father on his days off.

Somedays, I wished I was someone else. Mainly I wished I was who I thought I would be when I was six.