The Christmas Blahs have set in..

Well, I've been doing so good this year. Usually my blahs come about three to four weeks before Christmas and climax with the holiday. This year, they didn't come. I blamed it on the unseasonably warm weather. Cold, snowy weather always makes me cranky, especially when I have static in my hair and my skin feels like it will itch itself off of my body.

Well, my blahs set in last night. Last night was the most joyless Christmas Eve I've ever had. It started out good. Riley went to work with me and we sold gift certificates. BFF Jill stopped and we swapped gifts. I got a Letang bobble head, Racing Nuns and a purple Snuggie. All three of those gifts made me smile and laugh in some way. Riley and I then headed to Kibuk Cycle Sales to see Mr. Bruises and crew and participate in their holiday party for the staff and customers. Everyone was jolly there as well.

Then came the downslide, I headed to the nursing home to visit my mom. We went to her room with her gifts and her name was no longer on the door. Her bed was empty. An aid saw my confusion and told me that they moved her. No explanation why. She proceeds to take me to a whole other unit and I find where my mom is. I walk in and she's having a breathing treatment and she doesn't look good. She seems confused when I ask her if she wants presents. She says no. I ask why and she says because she has nothing to give me. I explain that that is okay and we would really like to give her some presents.

I start to ask her when and why she moved. She said she moved about a week ago, while I was returning from vacation and in the midst of non-stop work for the Snowball and the holiday. I asked why and she said it was because she has an infected finger. She holds it up and it is disgusting. It wasn't even wrapped. I don't know if she has MRSA or what and no one could seem to tell me. It was Christmas Eve so I am going to look for answers on Monday.

First, I want to know why the hell no one told me that they moved her. I mean I am not only her only child, I am her POA for everything. Second, why the hell did no one inform me of her infected finger. I mean really, they call me when they change a dosage on one of her meds, which I could really give two shits about and something important like a move because of an infected finger, I get no call. Needless to say, I am pissed. Then, I get all depressed seeing my mom like that. Even worse than normal. That's when all the blahs hit me all at once.

We had a nice visit and Riley seemed to enjoy seeing her as much as she enjoyed seeing him. She opened her gifts, I got her two outfits, a new fleece blanket for dialysis and a big tin, filled with her favorite candy. Normally, she would have dug right into that candy. She smiled and thanked me and set it beside her bed.

We headed home after that and I started to immediately make the pie, dessert and cole slaw for dinner the next day. Mr. Bruises insists on having a full Thanksgiving dinner for Christmas. Why? Because his mother always did that. You know what? Nancy HATED doing that second dinner. How do I know? Because I was the one that always cooked with her. We both hated doing all that work again. Me especially since I just work my ass off non stop for weeks. So, last year I put my foot down and told him if he wanted it, he will cook it. Well that was a disaster last year. Looks like I will be doing most of the work this year as well.

All I wanted to do last night was eat a little, drink a little, watch The Hangover and play Rock Band. I sat alone until 10, when Tammy came down. Mr. Bruises came home from church about 30 minutes later. I am Catholic. I don't go to church, long story for another post. I have a big problem with people who go to church once a year and Mr. Bruises and his dad fall into that category. I take that back, they go twice a year. Christmas and Easter.

So we did get to watch the movie and it was awesome. I went to bed right after that. I was just physically and emotionally exhausted.

I know that I really should be happy with the things that I have, but sometimes it is just so hard to get past the things I no longer have and Christmas really brings it all back.

Merry Christmas everyone. Hug your loved ones and keep them close.